Jokes

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A guest calls the waiter and complains, “How come there are no chairs at our table?!”
The waiter shrugs, “I’m sorry but you only booked one table…”

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A girl asks a boy:
"Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly!"

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Shouldn’t a photographer who specializes in taking photos of school classes be actually called a school shooter?

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What if the spider I killed in my bedroom lived his whole life thinking I was his roommate and died wondering what brought on this psychotic break?

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Why the hеll is there an S in the word ‘lisp’?!

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There are two kinds of people. Some wash their dishes because they just ate; the others wash their dishes because they are just about to eat.

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Interesting, isn’t it, that "take out" refers to food, romantic dating, and assassination.

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My head is very slowly 3D printing my hair.

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Sweater is a pretty disgusting name for a piece of clothing.

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I and Bill Gates have a combined fortune of approximately 80 billion dollars.

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How does the non-stick coating stick to the pan?!I

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F you’re waiting to be served in a restaurant, shouldn’t you be called the waiter?

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The goal of golf is to play as little golf as possible.

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Are those who sneeze the most blessed?

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If weights became invisible, a gym would turn into a slow motion disco.

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Has a giraffe ever smelled its own fаrт?

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Is a paper cut the tree’s way of getting back at you?

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The devil shakes a pitchfork, the grim reaper swings a scythe… So is farming a big thing in the underworld?

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