Jokes

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New category:
Shower Thoughts

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One friend to another:
I really can’t believe that after all that enormous shiт they are together again.
What? Who are you talking about?
My вuтт cheeks, hahahahah :
- D

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Mobile - Update
Tablet – Update
Laptop - Update
TV – Update
Gaming console – Update
Somehow I’m afraid to plug in the iron.

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I was going to start a Procrastinators Club. But then I realized I’d have to reject anyone who actually turned up at the meeting so I decided to put it off again.

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I spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriend's вrа. I gave up at the end. I wish I never tried it on in the first place.

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That awkward moment when you notice the guy in front of you in the "10 items maximum" express cashier line has 11 things in his trolley...

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New category:
Fart Jokes
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Funny Riddles and Answers

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New categories:
Knock Knock Jokes
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Puns

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New categories:
Christmas jokes
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Marriage Jokes

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When somebody makes you really angry, count to three. When you get to two, punch them in the face. They won’t be expecting that.

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That awkward moment when you have eye contact while eating a banana.

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New category:
Prank Ideas / Practical jokes

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Important note from a car manual:
Backing rapidly at a tree significantly reduces your trunk space.

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4.
In the USA, there are more Chinese restaurants than all the McDonald’s, KFCs, Burger Kings and Wendy’s put together.

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7.
At any given moment, about 0.7% of the people in the world are drunк.

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9.
When you say “a million seconds”, it means 11 and a half days. “A billion seconds” would be over 31 years.

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10.
There are more English speakers in China than in the United States.

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A guest calls the waiter and complains, “How come there are no chairs at our table?!”
The waiter shrugs, “I’m sorry but you only booked one table…”

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