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If you want to find out who loves you more and loyal. Stick your wife and dog in the trunk of a car and open it a hour later and see which one wants to give you kisses.

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Why don't birds wear pants?
Cause their рескеr's on their head.

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Where do squirrels end up after they die?
The squirrely gates

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My реnis is so polite, it stands up so girls have a place to sit down.

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Why are goldfish the only snack that smiles back?
They're baked.

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Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the street?
One of them was assaulted!

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You owe me a drink, you're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.

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Girl - I have a boyfriend.
Guy - I have a pet goldfish.
Girl - What?
Guy - I thought we were talking about things that didn't matter.

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Do you like to party? Then crawl up my leg and have a ball!

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Do you come here often? Because I'm about to come here right now.

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Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under

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Mom - Son, a little birdie told mme that you have been doing drugs.
Son - It seems to me the only person who has been doing drugs is you, since you apparently talk to birds.

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My Ex Girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a fuскing вiтсh all the time.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?!
Nobody, BP killed them all.

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If someone just texts you "K", just reply with "L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z"

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I wonder if Meteorologist argue about whose has the biggest Doppler?

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Guess who got back together after all the shiт they've been through?
Your аss cheeks

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I just sharted in my pants. Can I get in yours?

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