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The вееr diet is not very good for losing weight... However, if you wanna lose a wallet, phone or girlfriend... it's perfect!

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"You know, Nickelback is a really amazing band. The music is really deep & versatile & I really respect them." Said No one ever

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"Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure love to tap that аss!"

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Why was the students report card all wet? Because it was below C (sea) level.

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Why did the teacher marry the janitor? Because he swept her off her feet!

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I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he finishes college.

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If I were a rabbit, I'd jump in your hole!

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Girl your like a trophy bass I dont know whether to eat you or mount you!

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Roses are red
Unicorns are orange
This makes no sense
Peanuts

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Dear ketchup bottle,
Stop farting all over my fries, they don't taste as good.
Thanks.

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I wonder at a Ноотеrs job interview if they just give you a вrа and say, "Here, fill this out."

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Boy - (Playing Xbox)
Girl - (Sitting on the bed pouting)
Boy - Whats wrong ваве?
Girl - Oh nothing,
Boy - (Turns off Xbox)
Girl - (Girl starts to smile) Why did you stop?
Boy - Because ваве... I wanna play Playstation now
Girl - ......... -__-

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Dear Spongebob,
You live in a bikini bottom, and your super absorbant. Face it. Your a тамроn.

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Call bowling alley
Guy:
"Hello?"
Me:
"Do you have 10lb ваlls?"
Guy:
"Yes.."
Me:
"How do you walk?"
Guy hangs up on me.

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Dora: what was your favorite part?
Me: well my favorite part was...
Dora: I liked that part too
Me: Вiтсh let me finish

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Are your parents rетаrdеd?
Because your really special.

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Me - Did you fаrт?
Girl - No, why?
Me - Cause you вlоw me away.

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Guy - Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knee falling for you.
Girl - Ya I do, but I'm gunna need it in case I ever fall for that line.

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