Jokes

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Guy - Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knee falling for you.
Girl - Ya I do, but I'm gunna need it in case I ever fall for that line.

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"Hey ВIТСН, that's my fuскing pencil !!"
"Umm nooo, I found it."
"EXACTLY, I fuскing lost it !"

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My definition of a clean room - A clear path from my door, to my bed.

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If you see someone wearing 3D glasses outside a movie theater start throwing stuff at their face.
It's what they want.

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To Do List:
Go into a crowded elevator and say, "I bet you're all wondering why I gathered you here."

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The new Titanic 3D is out.
Maybe they'll see the fuскing iceberg this time.

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Roses are red
Violets are blue
I thought i was ugly
Until i saw u

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Things to do:
1. Change ipod name to 'titanic'
2. *titanic is syncing* press cancel
3. feel like a hero
4. fuск вiтсhеs.

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Granddad: how old are you?
Me: ....13.
Granddad: when I was your age I was 13
Me:
- ___-

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Banana peel, coffee grains, pizza crust, вееr bottles, empty cans, paper plates.
Don't mind me I'm just talking trash.

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*Nerd and sluт finally make up and become boyfriend and girlfriend*
Slut - What are you going to do to me?
Nerd - I'm going to treat you like my homework, Slam you on my desk and do you all night long.

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5 Terrible puns:
- 1: This girl said she knew me from the vegetarian club but I'd never met herbivore.
- 2: I can't find my coat. I hope somebody didn't jacket.
- 3: She told me I was average. I think she was just being mean.
- 4: I donated blood and they told me I was type-a. It turned out to be a type-o.
- 5: My class went on a field trip to the coca cola factory. I hope there's not a pop quiz.

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- Gamer poem -
"Mario is red,
Sonic is blue,
Why don't you hit select and be my player two?"

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Adele:
"I set fire to the rain!"
Spongebob:
"LOL, вiтсh please. I make campfires underwater."

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Epic prank call idea....
You: Did u hide the body?
Them: uhh...
You: Good. Now get into your car and drive to las Vegas. go to treasure island. there will be a helicopter there waiting to take you to the boarder between Texas and mexico. there u will meet Pedro. he will take u across the border. u will then go to Mexico city and live under the name Marcos. got it?
Them: HOLY SНIТ!!!

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Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and have them all to yourself?
Well, apparently it's called kidnapping.

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Ever want to say IDK without sounding sтuрid?
Say this:
I hesitate to articulate in fear I may deviate upon the highest degree of accuracy.

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Just tripped over my girlfriends вrа. I guess you could say it was...
*lights cigar*
A воовy trap.

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