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Life Jokes

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Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
Because he couldn't afjord a new one!
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At the Court discussion between judge and villager:
So you was propeling surrogate alcohol?
Me? No!
What do you mean no?
You have a device for that... means propeled.
Then please judge me also for rаре...
So you have rареd someone also?
Well no... but I have a device...
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The old woman comes to a gynecologist.
He inspects her and says with the
Surprice:
An old woman, you're pregnant!
How did you managed at your age...?
Oh, those teens.
They always asks to tell them everything, then show and give to try...
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I've recently got a stalker.
He's everywhere all the time.
And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me.
So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming:
"Jesus loves you."
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How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
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The person who invented the door knock won the No-веll prize.
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Our folk not only knows how to read between the lines but also how to leave a record between the eyes.
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You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
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I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.
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Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
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It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
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Use to be we had Bob Hope Amerikkalainen kertoi suomalaiselle kotimaastaan: - We have Bill Clinton
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs.
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Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
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I am more рissеd off than a dragon trying to вlоw out candles.
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I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity.
I can’t put it down.
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Τι κοινό έχουν οι δικηγόροι και τα σπερματοζωάρια Was unterscheidet Rechtsanwälte von Sperma? Von 5 Millionen Spermien hat wenigstens eines die Chance Каква е приликата между сперматозоидите и адвокатите? Един на милион има шанса да стане човек Was haben Männer und Spermien gemeinsam? Beide haben eine Chance von 1 zu 1 Million Quel est le point commun entre un avocat et un spermatozoïde ? - Tous les deux ont une chance sur trois millions de devenir un jour un être humain. Quelle est la ressemblance entre les hommes et les spermatozoïdes ? De tant de millions Hvad er ligheden mellem en sædcelle og en mand? - Kun en ud af en million bliver til noget ... Hvad har mænd og sædceller til fælles? – Der er 1:1000000 chance for Mitä yhteistä on miehellä ja siittiöllä? Kummankin todennäköisyys kasvaa aikuiseksi on yksi miljoonasta. Mitä yhteistä on spermalla ja asianajajalla? - Molemmissa tapauksissa yksi miljoonasta voi tulla ihmisiseksi
Q: What do a lawyer and a sреrм have in common?
A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.
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Q: Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving?
A: It didn't have the guts.
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What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
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