Life Jokes

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Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?

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If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.

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Concerning the absence of toilet paper, there should be complaint books laid out at publicly used places.

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Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.

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I could be a morning person. If morning started around noon.

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Life is too complicated in the morning.

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Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

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An idea came to the mind, and now she's searching for the brain.

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A relationship without trust is like a phone without service. And what do you do with a phone without service? You play games.

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Friends are forever. Until they get in a relationship.

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Dream carefully, because dreams come true.

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Life's a вiтсh, 'cause if it was a sluт, it'd be easy.

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Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

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My resumé is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.

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I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.

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Fridges should have glass doors. That way i dont have to stand with the fridge door open trying to figure out my next move.

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My favorite part of grocery shopping is rushing home to look at the shopping list on my counter to see what I forgot to buy.

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