Life Jokes

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The last airline I flew charged for everything. Except for the bad service. That was free.

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Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?

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If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.

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Why didn't the Indian like having two t. P.'s? They made him 2 tence.

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Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.

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I could be a morning person. If morning started around noon.

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Life is too complicated in the morning.

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Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

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An idea came to the mind, and now she's searching for the brain.

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A relationship without trust is like a phone without service. And what do you do with a phone without service? You play games.

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Friends are forever. Until they get in a relationship.

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Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

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Life's a вiтсh, 'cause if it was a sluт, it'd be easy.

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Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

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My resumé is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.

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I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.

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Fridges should have glass doors. That way i dont have to stand with the fridge door open trying to figure out my next move.

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