Life Jokes

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Love helps to кill time. And time helps to кill love.

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If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's the speed of darkness?

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The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.

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A garage sale is actually a Garbage sale but the "b" is silent.

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What happens when you fall in love with a french chef? You get buttered up.

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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

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Men live better than women. First of all, they get married later and secondly, they die earlier.

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Ever since I took geometry at school, my life has turned around 360 degrees.

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It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you're listening.

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Why is it that in the US: If you take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi, terrified citizens will phone the police and report:
"There's a nакеd person outside!"

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I've been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest.

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Sеx discriminates against the shy and the ugly.

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70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.

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You're about as much use as parallel lines of a railway track. The only difference is the railway tracks take people places and with the way you are, it's no wonder you always end up going nowhere in life.

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An escalator can never break - it can only become stairs.

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What sound does a train make when it's eating?... Chew chew... Very Рunny right?

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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

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The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.

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