Life Jokes

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Haven't seen any UFOs lately. Wondering if the galaxy is downsizing their space programs too.

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Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.

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If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

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See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

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Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

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42 percent of statistics are made up!

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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

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The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

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If a wife is silent and not arguing - it means she's sleeping.

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You cannot eat me unless you spread me. -Butter

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If you're going to ride my аss at least pull my hair and make me scream!

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Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

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Stephen Hawking says we've got about 1,000 years to find a new place to live. That isn't even enough time for my girlfriend to pack.

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You're 10 times more likely to die when your girlfriend says,
"I'm fine" than when you are flying on an airplane.

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Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

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Sеx takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

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The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

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Secret: Something which is told to one person at a time.

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