Life Jokes

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Is pikachu called pikachu because he always say pikachu or is he saying pikachu because he is pikachu?

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A cop accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He learned to never book a judge by their cover.

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Marriage is the main reason for divorce.

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"Because it would be hilarious," is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.

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All my dance moves look like i'm trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second..

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Morning is the time when everyone is jealous of unemployed.

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There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

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Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.

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If you have worked and didn't get anything, it means someone else got it.

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Don't be irreplaceable - if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.

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Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone

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A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

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The last chapter of every book should just be all the characters acting completely terrified because their world is about to end.

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I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.

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The value of money in a relationship: the 10 bucks that the wife and the tax inspection don't know about are worth more than the 100 that both know about.

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The panic begins with the first one to say ‘Calm down!'

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You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

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