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Български English Deutsch Español Анекдоты про жизнь. Анекдоты и... Français Italiano Ελληνικά Живот Türkçe Анекдоти про Життя Português Polski Svenska Nederlands Dansk Norsk Suomi Magyar Româna Anekdoty a vtipy ze života Lietuvių Latviešu Hrvatski
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Life Jokes

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So the buddhist pulls a gun out of his coat and the vendor says, "Whoa whoa whoa, what about inner peace?".
The Buddhist responds "This is my inner piece".
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There once was a gal named Lewinsky,
Who played music like a Stravinsky.
"Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef.
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski.
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that goo off of your chinsky."
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown.
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better.
Than a bomb in a letter.
Given the choice of how to be blown.
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Όταν γεννήθηκα... Τελικά ποιος είναι έγχρωμος; Έγχρωμος Quand je suis né Родих се черен. Пораснах черен. Черен съм когато съм уплашен. Черен съм след морето Негър към един бял: Querido amigo blanco: Un par de cosas deberías saber: Cuando yo nací En färgad man går in på en bar. En vit man säger: - Färgade är inte tillåtna här. Den färgade manen säger: - När jag föds är jag svart; när jag fryser är jag svart; när jag är sjuk är jag... Den färgade mannen till rasisten: - När du dör är du grå
When a White guy is...
Scared- He gets even whiter.
Cold- He turns Blue.
Angry-He turns Red.
Stoned- Gray duh.
Sick- He turns Green.
When a Black guy is...
Scared- He stays Black.
Cold- He stays Black.
Angry- He stays Black.
Stoned- He stays Black.
Black Man to White Man: And you calling us colored.
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Do you know what a plateau is?
It's the highest form of flattery!
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If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground?
The rest of your life...
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"Hey what's up?"
"Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide."
"How the hеll do you do that?!"
"Breathing... Dude."
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Girl: What if a boy hugs me?
Mom: Say Don't
Girl: What if he kisses me?
Mom: Say stop.
The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!...
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I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then voice in my head says:
"Haha nice one!" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
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Робот В Китай изобретили нов робот които лови крадци. В Японии изобрели робота Учёные разных стран собрались и изобрели роботов Os japoneses criaram uma máquina de pegar ladrão. Foi o maior sucesso em alguns países!!! No Japão Os japoneses pau curto В Японії винайшли робота Una vez en Japón 5 japoneses crearon una máquina que atrapaba ladrones. Primero la máquina la estrenaron en Japón y en menos de 30 minutos atrapó 25 ladrones. La llevaron a Francia y en menos de 20... A japánok teveztek egy nyomozó-robotot Cientistas testaram em Nova York uma máquina para apanhar ladrões. Com um sistema revolucionário Japonyada hırsız yakalayan bir robot icat etmişler. Amerikada 5 dakikada 180 hırsız yakalamış. Italyada 5 dakikada 80 hırsız yakalamış. Fransana 5 dakikada 30 hırsız yakalamış. Türkiyede 5 dakikada... Una vez en Japón
Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.
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Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor.
The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.
Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor.
This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said, "There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit."
After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor’s son wearing trousers made of the same cloth.
Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?"
"It’s very simple," replied the tailor, "The other tailor has two sons."
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You want to come in my life, the door is open.
You want to get out of my life, the door is open.
Just one request.
Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
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10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a sтuрid fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is sтuрid.
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
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Sherlock Holmes und Dr. Watson wandern Holmes und Watson Σέρλοκ Χολμς Σκηνή Вечер. Σέρλοκ Χολμς και Μάθιου Γουάτσον Двама приятели на излет Шерлок Холмс и доктор Ватсон отправились в поход. Вечером они поставили палатку и улеглись в ней спать. Ночью Холмс будит своего спутника: Sherlock Holmes und Dr. Watson zelten. Mitten in der Nacht wird Dr. Watson von Sherlock Holmes geweckt. Holmes: Sherlock Holmes e il suo fidato assistente Watson vanno in campeggio e dopo una bella cena ed una bottiglia di vino Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert. After roaming all day long under the hot sun Sherlock Holmes och doktor Watson campar. De slår upp tältet under stjärnorna och går och lägger sig. Mitt i natten väcker Sherlock Holmes Twee mannen gaan kamperen. Ze zetten de tent op en wanneer de avond valt kruipen ze in hun slaapzak en beginnen te slapen. Om 4u snachts worden ze wakker en de ene vraagt aan de andere : "Weet je... Dos amigos Sherlock Holmes och Dr Watson var ute och vandrade i bergen. På kvällen reste de sitt tält under den stjärnbeströdda himlen och gick och lade sig. Någon gång mitt i natten blir Dr Watson väkt av... Sherlock Holmes et le Dr Watson sont au camping. Après un bon repas et une bouteille de vin Sherlock Holmes e o doutor Watson vão acampar. Após um bom jantar e uma garrafa de vinho Dwaj koledzy nocują pod namiotem. W środku nocy jeden budzi drugiego: - Co widzisz? - Gwiazdy i księżyc. - Co to oznacza? - Że jutro będzie ładna pogoda. - Ty głupku! To oznacza Sherlock Holmes og Dr. Watson var på telttur. En kveld lå de og tittet opp på himmelen. Holmes sa: - Watson Sherlock Holmes wybrał się z Dr Watsonem do lasu. W pewnym momencie w nocy Gittikleri yerde kamp kurarlar. Tatillerinin ikinci gününün akşamı güzel bir yemek yiyip uykuya dalarlar. Birkaç saat sonra kadın uyanır ve kocasını da uyandırır. Adam uyku sersemidir; güzel bir... Sherlock Holmes En berømte detektiv Sherlock Holmes og hans assistent Doctor Watson er på camping og overnatter i telt. Midt om natten prikker Holmes til Watson og spørger ham: “Watson Sherlock Holmes és dr. Watson túrázni mennek Sherlock Holmes en zij assistent dr. Watson zitten op een camping. Zegt Sherlock ineens: "Kijk eens naar boven en zeg me wat ziet. Redeneer Holmes ed il Dott. Watson decidono di passare un week end in campeggio in una tenda nel mezzo di una foresta. A notte fonda Holmes sveglia il dottore: "Watson Sherlock Holmes a doktor Watson si vyjeli do přírody. Večer unaveni ulehli do stanu. Holmes se v noci probudil Sherlock Holmes e o Dr Watson estão acampados em plena selva. Holmes acorda no meio da noite Sherlock Holmes og Dr. Watson drar på campingtur Sherlock Holmes e il dottor Watson si trovano in vacanza in un campeggio. Dopo una buona cena e un'ottima bottiglia di vino Sherlock Holmes och Watson är på tältsemester. De sätter upp tältet under en stjärnklar himmel och går och lägger sig. Mitt i natten blir Watson väckt av Sherlock Holmes. - Watson Sherlock Holmes og Watson var på telttur. De ligger i soveposerne og Holmes siger: - Watson Sherlock Holmes och Watson campade på engelska landsbygden och avnjöt en god måltid och delade på en flaska vin innan de lade sig för att sova. Några timmar senare vaknade Holmes och ruskade sin... Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night Sherlock Holmes és dr. Watson kempingeznek. Éjjel Sherlock felébred Sherlock Holmes et son ami le Docteur Watson Font du camping. En plein milieu de la nuit Nusprendė kartą Šerlokas Holmsas ir Vatsonas pastovyklauti. Nuvažiavo į gamtą Sherlock Holmes en Dr. Watson gingen kamperen. Na een goede maaltijd en een fles wijn legden ze zich neer voor de nacht en gingen slapen. Enkele uren later werd Holmes wakker en stootte zijn trouwe...
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.
Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"
Watson yawns and tries to play the game.
"Well, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."
"No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."
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- Doc, I think I need to wear glasses.
- Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.
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Маdоnnа is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.
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Women are looking for Mr. Right.
Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.
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Идеалният мъж не пие Der ideale Ehemann raucht nicht
An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.
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How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
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