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Life Jokes

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Define "Egghead":
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
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Mom can i buy some heels?
No.
Mom can i buy a вrа?
No.
Mom can i buy a dress?
No.
Mom can i buy a barbie doll?
No. You never let me buy anything!
Shut up, Justin.
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Пф...
I hate is when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly...
she's not your friend anymore
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Ben Laden téléphone à Bush: Estaba Bush en la Casa Blanca cuando suena el teléfono y habla Bin Laden: Bin Laden ruft Georg Bush an und sagt zu ihm: "Ich habe eine gute und eine schlechte Nachricht für dich Usame Bin Ladin Bush'a telefon etmiş Osama Bin Laden en George W. Bush hebben een telefoongesprek. Osama zegt: "Ik heb goed en slecht nieuws Bush estava na sua mesa escrevendo e até que o telefone tocou: -Alô Bin Laden telefona a Bush e gli dice: "Ciao
One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news."
Bush replied, "What’s the good news?"
"I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."
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A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life.
“Hey Roadway driver, who are the two biggest fаgs in America?” comes from the CB.
The Roadway driver replies, “I don’t know.”
The other trucker says ” You and your brother.”
Well the Roadway driver gets annoyed but the other driver tells him “It’s just a joke – tell it to the next truck you see.”
Well the Roadway driver drives for about an hour and finally sees another truck.
He gets on the CB and says “Hey other truck, do you know who the two biggest fаgs in the world are?”
The other trucker says, “I don’t know, who?”
The roadway driver replies “Me and my brother.”
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По риба Golfer Зима. Студ! Виелица! 5 часа сутринта! Мъж става в 04: Един запален по риболова мъж всяка сутрин става и излиза от къщата си в 4. В събота Samstagmorgen bin ich sehr früh aufgestanden! Am frühen Morgen geht ein Mann auf die Jagd. Im Wald angekommen Жена и мъж си лежат в леглото една нощ Пошел мужик на рыбалку зимой. Вышел из дома — кругом пурга Έξι τα ξημερώματα Das Wetter ist regnerisch und es ist nasskalt O sujeito estava pescando na lagoa Sábado Zaterdagochtend Een man staat 's morgens geruisloos op Lördag morgon gick jag upp tidigt A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager Nuestro amigo Cornelio es un hombre que le gusta cuidar su figura y estado físico När jag kom hem i går begärde min fru att jag skulle ta henne till ett dyrt ställe. Jag tog henne till en bensinstation. Åsså började fajten... På kvällen låg min fru och jag i sängen och tittade... Myśliwy wychodzi wcześnie rano na polowanie. Jest jednak zimno i pada deszcz. Myśliwy decyduje się na powrót. W domu rozbiera się i kładzie w łóżku obok swojej żony. - Jak jest na zewnątrz ?... -... Sâmbătă dimineață m-am trezit devreme Το Σάββατο πρωί σηκώθηκα νωρίς
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual.
It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her.
"Yes. And my idiот husband went fishing!" she replied.
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Q: How did the hail stone describe its life?
A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.
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One day Daily Mail has a article with title: "One in four cannot read."
The next day one another newspaper writes: "Nice to see a newspaper finally acknowledging their audience."
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Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you.
What do you do?
U stop imagining...
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Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why?
Theres no place like home ...
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My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park.
But In the end, it doesn't even matter.
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Every night I play a game called "Should I рее or can I hold it till morning".
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Q: How is a boss better than a wife?
A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
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Life may not be worth living, but what else can you do with it?
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A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I’ll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She’s gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Рuff! He’s gone. "OK, you’re up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say...
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Q: What does the baker have under his apron?
A: Dough nuts.
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Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...
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- Госпожо Две майки се разхождат с дъщерите си. Едната майка казва на другата: Dos madres hablando: On a train: Fritzchen äfft jede Bewegung nach A vizinha reclama para a mãe de Joãozinho: — Seu filho passa o dia inteiro me imitando! E a mãe do Joãozinho Im Zug: Könnten Sie Ihrem Sohn bitte sagen W piaskownicy: - Czy może pani powiedzieć synowi O vizinho chega para mãe do Toninho e reclama: — Quer fazer o favor de pedir pro seu filho parar de me imitar. E a mãe: — Toninho Imitar Estan dos madres y una le dice a la otra: Escucha
On a beach a man shouts at another man:
- Tell your son not to imitate me.
A man to his son:
- Son, stop playing the fool.
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