Lookin' Good

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When she was like 17 or 18 years old, she won a beauty contest back in Pennsylvania.
She ran like three miles a day; she jogged; she swam six, seven miles a day. She was in really good shape, and she won a beauty contest. She was a good-looking woman. Now, she's 93 years old and really let herself go.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving you'll get turned on reading a cook book.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving your new nickname will be "Daaaamn!

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving the only thing stopping you from going to the gym is the doorframe.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving next time you go to a restaurant, instead of a menu, you'll get an estimate.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving you'll have to iron your pants on the driveway.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving you'll fill the bathtub before you even turn on the water.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving you'll make the centerfold in Mountain Climber Magazine.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving the next time you see 90210 will be on a bathroom scale.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving, the highway department will make you wear an "Oversize Load" sign every time you take a walk.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving your next Facebook profile pic will have to be an aerial shot.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving next time you wear leather pants to a party, people will sit on your воотy thinking it's a couch.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving you'll need license plates for your shoes.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving, instead of belly button lint, you'll find full sweaters.

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You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving your scale will read "Game Over."

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Reverend Smith visits Mrs. Jenkins, one of the elder parishioners in his church. Reverend Smith notices that on top of Mrs. Jenkins' оrgаn sits a bowl which contains a соndом floating in water.
Befuddled, Reverend Smith asks her to explain this.
"Oh, Reverend Smith," she replies, "I found that lying on the street corner, and the package said that if you put it on your оrgаn and keep it wet that it will prevent disease. Frankly, I haven't been sick all year."

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