Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited on the eve of the millennium to have dinner with God. After a little bit of small talk, God informed them that he would be destroying the earth the next day. Upon returning to earth, they each made announcemnts.
"I have two piece of bad news," said Boris Yeltsin. "One, God does exist. Two, all of the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."
"I have some good news and some bad news," said Bill Clinton. "First, the good - God does exist. And the bad - the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."
"I have some great news!" said Bill Gates. "One, I'm one of the three most important people on earth. Two, we've got this Y2K thing solved!"
As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations.
Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while, but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends. As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, ''One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.'' A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms. ''I have come, my comrade, to try your game.'' ''Very well. Come with me.'' Umballa took his friend before six, buck-nакеd bush women. ''Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a вlоwjов.'' ''But my friend, where is the danger in this?'' Umballa replied with a toothy smile, ''One of them is a cannibal.''
Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know youcan't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read inthe paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't beable to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numberswith them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine.The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, threedays the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you,Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons,so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, andit said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby thismorning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if youare an Aunt or Uncle. Your Uncle John fell in the whiskeyvat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so hedrowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off thebridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. Thedriver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down. Not much more news this time.Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I willsend another one. Love, Ma
Тold my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.”
He said, “NO!”
I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.”
He said, “OK.”
I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.” Bill Gates said, “NO.”
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.”
Bill Gates said, “OK.”
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, “NO.”
I told him, “My son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.”
He said, “OK.”
This is exactly how politics works . . .