Pet Jokes

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Why don’t blind people parachute very often?
It makes their guide dogs really uncomfortable.

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“I just found out why dogs drink out of the toilet.
My mother said it's because the water is a lot colder in there.
I'm like, How does my mother know that?”
- Wendy Liebman

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Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.

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Go on, ask a dog how’s life.
He’ll most likely answer, „Ruff! “

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Do you seek a good laugh?
Draw eyebrows on your dog. It works.

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A dog sits in a bar, sipping a bourbon.
A customer walks up to him and says, “It’s not often that I see a dog drinking bourbon here!”
The dog sniffs, “Yeah, hardly a surprise at these prices.”

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Why do men chase after women they don’t intend to marry?
Well why do dogs chase after cars they don’t intend to drive?

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A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”

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Why do dogs liск their butts?
Because nobody will do it for them.

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What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a Sаinт Bernard’s?
A dog that bites you and then goes to fetch help.

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A good idea for a sign:
“Salespeople welcome – dog food has become really expensive”

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What do you do when you see a dog eating your dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.

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I’m considering removing my dog’s tail.
My mother in law comes next weekend and I intend to get rid of anything that would give her the impression that she is welcome.

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What do you call a wolf who picks up litter after campers and is worried about pollution?
Aware wolf.

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What creature has four legs and one hand?
A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.

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What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is extremely dangerous?
A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.

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What market shouldn't you take your dog to?
The flea market.

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Why did the dog lie down?
He found lying up a little hard.

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