Pet Jokes

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Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.

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What happens when you cross a rooster, a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle?
You get a Cockerpoodledoo.

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Go on, ask a dog how’s life.
He’ll most likely answer, „Ruff! “

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A dog sits in a bar, sipping a bourbon.
A customer walks up to him and says, “It’s not often that I see a dog drinking bourbon here!”
The dog sniffs, “Yeah, hardly a surprise at these prices.”

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Why do men chase after women they don’t intend to marry?
Well why do dogs chase after cars they don’t intend to drive?

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A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”

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Why do dogs liск their butts?
Because nobody will do it for them.

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What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a Sаinт Bernard’s?
A dog that bites you and then goes to fetch help.

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A good idea for a sign:
“Salespeople welcome – dog food has become really expensive”

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What do you do when you see a dog eating your dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.

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What is the best timekeeper you could wish for?
A watch dog.

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I’m considering removing my dog’s tail.
My mother in law comes next weekend and I intend to get rid of anything that would give her the impression that she is welcome.

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What creature has four legs and one hand?
A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.

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What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is extremely dangerous?
A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.

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What market shouldn't you take your dog to?
The flea market.

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Why did the dog lie down?
He found lying up a little hard.

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Dogs are the best alarm clocks.
When they want out, there’s no snooze button that could tame that.

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“They say the dog is man's best friend.
I don't believe that.
How many of your friends have you neutered?”
- Larry Reeb

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