Pet Jokes

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Why is it so rare to see a cat doing online shopping?
Because they prefer the cat-alogue.

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on its tail?
Me-ow!

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Have you heard about the cat who climbed the Himalayas?
She was a renowned sher-paw.

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What kind of dog eats with his ears?
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They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.

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What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah?
You get a dog who chases after cars a lot – and actually catches them.

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What an amazing, clever dog we have, darling.
He brings in the newspaper every day, and we’ve never even subscribed to any!

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What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
Anything you like, just very quietly.

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How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat when you’re driving?
Invite him to bark in the front seat.

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What is the question a flea often has to ask itself?
Should I walk or take a dog?

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What do you get when you cross a Doberman and a hyena?
No idea, but if it laughs, I join in.

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When is a mom flea happy?
When her whole family has gone to the dogs.

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Life is like a dogsled team.
If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard

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What has 4,000 eyes and 8,000 legs?
Two thousand dogs.

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What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed?
Quietly go sleep on the sofa.

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What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog eating from your plate?
Seek medical help.
You’ve been seeing too many 250 pound dogs recently.

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I should have been more suspicious when the Chinese guy offered to “wok my dog for me”…

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What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?
[Don’t know]
OK, in that case I think I’ll mail that letter myself, thank you.

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What do you do when you see a rabid dog?
That depends on whether the dog has seen you, too.

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