Philosophy Jokes

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STALL WALL SCRAWL
From a Women’s Restroom
Diск’s Last Resort
Dallas, TX
A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles…
you’re going to have trouble with it.

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Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
~Wisdom From the Grizzled Old Man on a Park Bench with a Flask in a Paper Bag ~

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You can't lose weight without exercise. But I've got a philosophy about exercise...

I don't think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did.

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Here I am with my bottle of Tequila, waiting for life to hand me a lemon.

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Modern philosophy:
If I went to the gym but then didn’t write a Facebook status about it, did it ever really happen?

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Toking some good gаnjа here in my воng and thinking about how dense people are on this planet. Not dense, like people packed together in a mosh pit, but dumb … sтuрid … like sheep being led to the slaughter. …
…
“I Think of how sтuрid the average person is, and it hits me: average! That means half of the people are even more sтuрid than that.”

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7 things you didn’t know about me:
1. I rarely finish anything I start.

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I was just mulling this over:
At what age should I stop shopping at Costco because I won’t use the entire pack before I die?

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Ever think that when you step on the brakes, your life is in your foot’s hands?

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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

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A Word to the Wise: Beware of accepting a challenge from a Unicorn to play a game of Leapfrog.

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If you really think about it, language is often a тооl for concealing the truth.

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Just sitting here, musing about sтuрid stuff and conjecturing…
Before they invented baseballs, how did they measure hail?

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As I was driving home this afternoon, I start to wonder how they get the deer to cross at those yellow road signs?

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Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.

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The vаginа is the best engine in the world.
1) It can be started with one finger;
2) It’s self-lubricating;
3) It accepts any size piston;
4) It even changes its own oil every four weeks.
It’s a shame that the management system is so fсuкing temperamental.

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Some people want to wake up rich. Some people want to wake up famous. I just want to wake up and not worry about a dамn thing.

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My mate Dave’s always been the kind of bloke that gets stressed over everything, but lately he doesn’t seem like he’s got a care in the world.
“Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?” I asked him.
“I’ve hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me,” he replied. “Only costs me a grand a week.”
“A grand a week? How the hеll are you going to afford that?” I asked.
“Fuск knows. That’s his problem.”

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