Philosophy Jokes

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Some people’s lives are like open books… Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.

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Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and furniture spray made with real lemons?

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The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.

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Some days, I think that reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.

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Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?

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A person without a sense of humor is like a car without shocks, they get jolted by pebble on the road.

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It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone…Be that person.

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Some days it just doesn’t pay to chew through the restraints.

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Scratching my head… What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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Procrastination is like маsтurватiоn. Its all well and good until you wake up one day and realize your just srewing yourself over.

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Life is like a мidgет at the urinаl…
… you have to be on your toes.

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It’s only when you are bare-аss nакеd and a mosquito lands on your nuтsаск…
…that you realize there are other ways to solve a problem without resorting to violence.

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Sometimes I worry about what other people think but then I remember that most people are super dumb and probably don’t think at all, like those that vote for our political leaders.

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I never go to buy lottery tickets.
The chances of me being attacked by a dragon on the way, are higher than me winning it.

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Ever wondered why your nostrils, earhole and аrsеhоlе are just the right size for your index finger?

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I wonder if infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery.

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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiот, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

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Philosophy 201
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam…
After a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:
“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
A week later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words:
“What chair?”

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