Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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I buy all my guns from a bloke called T-Rex..
He’s a small arms dealer.

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People who walk fast are beyond me…..

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What do you call a woman with no сliтоris ?
What ever you want. She isn’t going to come.

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I was asked earlier today to submit a 1,000 word essay.
I thought, “fсuк that”.
So I just submitted a picture instead.

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I was recently the subject of a joke. I chickened out of a fight, and crossed the road to get away.

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This week, the site owner for Joke Cafe told us about this really fine ваве he saw in the nightclub Monday night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt…..
So, he made a move on her.
Alas, he discovered she had a checkered past.

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I’ve had ‘good’ tattooed down my соск.
I like to see a bit of good in everyone.

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I was just enjoying a wаnк when some woman popped up and said, “Find local girls in your area”
I said, “Get the fuск out of my room, mum.”

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Just wondering? will these maggots I’m keeping warm in my mouth for fishing do me any harm?
I wait with baited breath..

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I bought a second hand deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas, but after 4 weeks they hadn’t arrived.
When I asked for an update, they said they were still dealing with my order

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Ten words, two commas, a punctuation mark and a full stop all appeared in court yesterday.
They’re due to be sentenced next week.

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How do you tickle a Rich Girl?
Gucci… Gucci… Gucci..
How does a Rich Girl fаrт?
Pradaaaa…!!
How does a Rich Girl Sneeze
Jimmy Choo.. Jimmy Choo…
How does a rich girl laugh?
Rolex on d floor laughing
How does a rich girl exclaim?
Omega!
What does a rich girl do when she’s bored watching TV?
She changes the Chanel
How to annoy rich girl on fb?
Tag Heuer on your posts

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You can’t blame me for making jokes about the earthquake.
It’s not my fault.

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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.

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You can remove a book’s appendix without any problem.
But spinal damage is usually fatal.

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I’ve boinked some really fine snatches this year … unforgettable!.
…
But I am worried that my memory foam mattress will also remember those hot вавеs I shagged earlier this year and tattle to new chicks that I bring into my room of delights.
However I noticed that the warranty on the mattress has expired which means that memory foam has Alzheimer’s.

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After a weekend in Amsterdam my воllоскs became enlarged, red and itchy.
I went to my doctor who told me it could be a number of STD’s.
Worried my wife would soon find out I asked if it might clear up on its own.
He said he didn’t want to make any rash promises.

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I have an evil masterplan;
I’m going to drill a huge hole through the Moon and thread a massive piece of string through it.
Then I will finally be able to conker the World.

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