Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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So far, my Scrabble team are losing. Despite using ‘воовiеs’, ‘willy’ and ‘fannyfart’.
We’ll be having serious words later.

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I was clinging for dear life to the face of the cliff.
As the rescue team approached one of the guys shouted “Whatever you do, don’t look down”.
So I started smiling.

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Word meanings:
Slut: A рrоsтiтuте that doesn’t charge.
Prostitute: A clever sluт!

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Seven and Eleven have the word “even” in them.
I Find That Odd.

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My father once told me, “Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it’s something your father told you.”

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A co-pilot walks into a library and asks for a number of books on suicide.
The librarian says “Are you going to take them all out with you”?
“Hmmm” he replies “That’s a good idea”

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Trying to find an anagram for ‘mobile рiss’ is impossible.

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I did a few drugs last night with my shoelaces undone.
Big mistake - I was tripping all night.

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My boss told me off today because I’m always turning things into a joke.
“So have I made myself clear?” He said.
“No I can still see you.” I replied.

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Rats are under rated.
Just check your dictionary.

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The neighbours dogs woke me up last night barking loudly.
So I threw my shoes out of the window at them and that shut them up.
It was a pair of hush puppies.

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A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

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Why did the hot dog put on a sweater?
Cause he was a chilly dog!

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I was going through all of those spam messages in my Junk bin. Amidst the claims to sell Cialis and making my реnis longer, I found one that said I could order “wееd” using an 800 number. … So I took a chance and dialed it and got the main menu …
…
“…. If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key….”

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Some people prefer to put the thermometer in their mouth, while others prefer it in their rестuм.
It’s a matter of taste!

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How do you tell a boy chromosome from a girl chromosome?
Check their jeans.

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Just before I die, I’m going to change my name to ‘OFF’. That way, when the hearse is driving to the church, it will have displayed on top of my coffin in flowers:
R. I. P. Off

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To neigh or not to neigh.
That is equestrian.

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