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  2. Sarcasm Jokes

Sarcasm Jokes

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T wo fellows are running a store and decide to have a big вlоw-out clearance sale. Within 3 hours, everything is sold from the store. The one fellow says to the other, “Well, what now? We’ve sold everything.”
The other replies, “Don’t worry, there’s this nеwfiе who comes in here everyday. We’ll have a few laughs on him.”
Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, newf comes walking in , hands in pockets, looking around. “Tell me lads”, asks the nеwfiе, “what have ya for sale today?”
One of the fellows says, “Well we’re having a sale on аsshоlеs!”
Newfie says, “Well ya must be doing pretty good, ya only got two left!”
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I went to a party last night. I thought I looked pretty smart, but some Jewish сunт said, “The ’70s called… They want their shirt back!”
I said, “The ’40s called… Your shower’s ready.”
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Do you know karate? Cause your body's kickin!
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The wife came home last night and said, “I know something you don’t.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?” I asked.
“What it’s like to have a big соск,” she replied.
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Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
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I know how to feed a nation…but will she eat it?
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People who write "u" instead of "you". What do you do with all the time you save?
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I was standing at a urinаl earlier today and next to me was a мidgет also having a рiss. I noticed he was winking at me so I looked away, I turned and looked again and the little fсuкеr was winking at me like crazy! Disturbed by this, I said:
“Are you gаy? Do u fancy me or something?” He replied:
- ” No you’re splashing in my fсuкing eyes!”
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When i was young !
I used to chase skirts all over the world until i got to Scotland.
Shit was I surprised.
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Today is ANZAC day which, this year, marks the 102nd anniversary of the landing of Australian and New Zealand troops at Gallipoli” I informed my Scouser mate.
“Well, it’s been 9865 days since Hillsborough.” He replied.
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I was listening to my daughter practice her violin.
“I wish that I was like Beethoven,” I said to her.
“I didn’t know you had any musical ambitions, ” she replied,
“I don’t, ” I said, ” he was fuскing deaf.”
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A mother in law said to her son’s wife when the baby was born
“I don’t mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son”
The daughter in law lifted her skirt and said
“I don’t mean to be rude either, but this between my legs is not a fсuкing photo copier”
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Some people measure themselves with external accomplishments like wealth, social status, even vanity; and others use internal ones; such as honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility and generosity…myself, I use a ruler with the first four inches cut off.
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My mate has a Blackberry and every fuскing time he gets a call he says;
“Oh, my Blackberry is ringing, excuse me.”
So I said;
“One second please, my SAMSUNG is receiving a text.”
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When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.
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I was staying in a Premier Inn last night. Before I went to bed, I phoned down to reception.
“Hi, this is room 319. Can I have a wake up call, please?”
“Yes. You’re in your mid-50s and have achieved nothing in life!!.
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I never think twice about helping others.
In fact, I never think once about it.
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After watching some soppy film my girlfriend texted me:
‘Love, if I waz turkish wud u lern turkish 4 me?’
I replied, ‘Yes, of course darling. Would you learn English for me?’
‘yh, corse I wud’.
‘No, I mean, please, would you?’
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