A newly deceased man, David, stands at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a sтuрid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. David decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven.
So off he goes with an ugly, sтuрid woman, while he pretends to be happy. As he walks along, he sees his friend Steve up ahead - with an even uglier woman. When he asks what’s going on, Steve replies, “I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money.” They both shake their heads in understanding and figure that they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.
David, Steve, and their two ugly women are walking along, minding their own business when they see someone who looks like their old friend Don up ahead. He is with an absolutely gorgeous woman who looks like a supermodel/centrefold. Stunned, David and Steve approach the man and discover that it is their friend Don. They ask him how he got this unbelievable goddess, while they’re stuck with these God-awful women.
Don replies, “I have no idea, but I’m definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I have had five years of the best sеx any man could hope to have. There is only one thing that I can’t seem to understand. Every time we finish having sеx, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, “Fсuкing income taxes!”
A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop is charging are very high.
She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. “Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50,” the clerk says. “$50?” the woman replies. “That seems terribly expensive for a frog.”
“Well, this frog is worth it. It’s been trained to give вlоw jobs.” The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sеx, and because she is not particularly fond of goofing соск, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he’ll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing her husband won’t bother her that night. She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks. “What are you two doing down here?” she asks.
Her husband responds, “If I can teach this frog to cook, you’re out of here!”