Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes
A prospector and silver miner has had a string of bad luck and to make manners worse, his sеxuаl equipment is backed up from lack of nookie and he is as hоrny as a billy goat with four ваlls.
So he saddles up his mule and goes into town to visit the local sporting-house.
The Madam laughs at him when he says he wants a girl for $10. He says, “It’s all the money I’ve got, don’t you have someone?”
The Madam says, “all right, you can have Old Aggie. Go down the hall, count four doors on your left and go in door four. There isn’t a light switch in there, so fumble and feel around in the dark to find the bed, then you’ll find old Aggie lying there. Her hygiene isn’t very good so you’ll have to put up with the odor.”
The prospector heads down the hall. About 20 minutes later, he returns to the Madam’s desk.
“How was Old Aggie?”
“Well, the smell was pretty bad like you said. I found her pretty wet and lubed up, so that wasn’t bad. But every time I tried to kiss her, I got a mouthful of cold, wet rice.”
The Madam smiled. “You get what you pay for. That wasn’t rice, it was maggots. Old Aggie has been dead for almost a week.”
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him. “Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!”
“Irving, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!”.
“Irving, that emerald necklace you promised me? I bought it, too, with the insurance money.” Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, “Irving, remember that вlоw job I promised you? Here it comes.