Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

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I was thinking earlier what I would do if my wife suddenly died. My secretary probably.

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Hi I’m Schizofrenic . . . So Am I . . . But Look On The Bright Side Two Heads Are Better Than One

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What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers?
Dessert.

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Just took some sleeping pills but they don’t seem to be wor

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Can anyone tell me if I have already posted the Alzheimer’s joke?

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I decided to confide in my wife that I kept hearing voices coming from our electrical appliances.
“Yeah, I know: the TV and radio,” she replied sarcastically.
“I told you she wouldn’t fuскing believe you,” said the kettle.

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Thought I was a good lover in bed…
Until I found out she had asthma.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But roses are wilting, violets are dead, sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

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The misses said to me the other night that if she ever got Alzheimer’s disease that she’d definitely commit suicide.
“That’s the 4th time you’ve told me that in the last 10 mins” I said…

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“Someone’s been eating my porridge!” said Father bear.
Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl.
Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer’s.

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Did you hear about the Dyslexic boy who cried “fowl.”
Nobody listened and the wolf ate him.

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I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriend’s knickers today.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’ve been wearing them all week.

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I walked into a bedroom and caught my Nan suскing Grandad’s соск, I said “Nan that’s disgusting”.
She said it’s perfectly normal.
I said, “No, its wrong, you should have buried it with the rest of him”

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When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her fаnny and the midwife had to pull me out.
That’s how excited I was to see my little brother.

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The guy I’ve been paying to pick up shiт in my backyard just realized that I don’t own a dog .

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I’ve just had a shiт that was so big that it touched the water before breaking off.
That’s pretty impressive from the middle diving board.

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Alpacin Caffeine shampoo, German engineering for your hair’.
Anyone else concerned about trusting German shower products

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Got home last night and found the wife dead on the floor.
I thought to myself, “Once more.”So I shagged her.
Halfway through she shouted, “BOO!”
I said, “You’re sick you are!!

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