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Вицове за времето English Wetterwitze, Wetter Witze, Wet... Español Анекдоты про погоду Français Italiano Ελληνικά Македонски Türkçe Українська Português Polski Svenska Nederlands Dansk Vitser om været Suomi Időjárás viccek Româna Čeština Lietuvių Latviešu Hrvatski
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Weather jokes

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Chuck Norris owns the gold color at the end of the rainbow.
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No man can perfectly predict the weather, not even Chuck Norris.
But the weather DOES try to predict what kind of day Chuck would like to have...
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McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains.
The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains.
When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?"
Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street.
He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jеrк.
Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!"
"I know, you idiот!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"
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Chuck Norris can вlоw the answers away from the wind.
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Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?
She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.
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There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor.
A white family lives on the top floor.
A mexican family lives on the second floor.
A niggеr family lives on the botom floor.
At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building, totally destroying it.
Which family lived?
The White family, because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.
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Lightening is too slow to strike Chuck Norris.
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Smile If You're Blonde Los gallegos y los relámpagos Warum mögen Blondinen Gewitter Ξανθιές Φωτογραφία. Защо блондинките се усмихват като има буря? Въпрос: Was macht eine Blondine wenn es blitzt? Sie steigt auf’s Dach und macht Posen weil sie denkt Perché durante i temporali i carabinieri sorridono? Warum gehen Burgenländer auf das Dach wenn es blitzt? Damit sie auch aufs Photo kommen! Pourquoi les blondes sourient toujours lors d'un orage électrique? Elles pensent que quelqu'un les prend en photo. Idą dwie blondynki przez burzę. Pierwsza pyta się drugiej: - Co robisz? - Uśmiecham się. - A po co? - By dobrze wypaść na zdjęciu. Vet ni varför norrmän tittar upp i himlen när det åskar? - För att de tror att de blir fotograferade. Pourquoi les blondes se mettent tout le temps devant la fenêtre lors d'un orage ? Parce qu'elles veulent être sur la photo. ¿Por qué las rubias sonrien cuando cae un rayo? Porque se creen que les están sacando una fotografía. - Vet du hvorfor svenskene ser opp på himmelen og smiler når det lyner? - Nei. - De tror de blir fotograferte. Hvorfor tager århusianerne deres pæne tøj på i tordenvejr? – De tror de skal have taget billeder - Hvorfor tager århusianerne pænt tøj på Immer wenn es blitzt und donnert stehen die Ostfriesen auf ihrem Balkon und schauen freundlich in den Himmel. Warum? Weil sie meinen der Liebe Gott fotografiere sie. Hvorfor smiler blondinene når det lyner og tordner? - De tror det blir tatt bilder av dem.. Why did the blonde keep stopping then smile during a lightning storm? A: She thought she was getting her picture taken. Vraag: Waarom gaat een belg voor het raam staan als het onweert ? Antwoord: Hij denkt dat er een foto wordt gemaakt ! Varför gillar blondiner blixtoväder? Dom tror någon försöker ta kort på dom Dlaczego blondynka uśmiecha się Kodėl blondinė stovi prie lango kai žaibuoja? - Todėl Zinot del ko blondines sipsosi ir stovi prie lango kaip zaibuoja? Jos galvoja kad jas fotografuoja
Q: Why do blondes smile when there's lightning?
A: They think they're getting their picture taken.
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What are the similarities between a new wife and a tornado, there's a lot of suckin and blowin and then u lose ur house
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Hurricane Katrina wasn't the weather... it was the wind of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick from Texas to Louisiana.
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Men are like..... Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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Chuck Norris is the reason there is wind.
The air tries to get away from him as fast as possible.
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Chuck Norris has sneezing allergies in the mid-to-late fall.
This time is typically referred to as hurricane season.
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In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
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Women and Bad Weather Unterschied zwischen Frauen und Taifunen Γιατί όλοι οι τυφώνες έχουν θηλυκό όνομα; - Защо ураганите ги наричат все с ​​женски имена? - Знаете ли какво е общото между жената и торнадото ? Was haben Frauen und Tornados gemeinsam: ¿Por qué los huracanes en su mayoría tienen nombres de mujeres? И жените и торнадото започват с духане а после ти отнасят къщата ... Каква е приликата между блондинката и торнадото? Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? Quelle est le point commun entre une femme et un ouragan? Was haben eine Frau und ein Hurricane gemeinsam? Beide kommen warm und feucht Pourquoi les tornades ont toujours des noms de filles? Parce qu'elles arrivent chaudes et humides et repartent avec ta maison et ta voiture. Τι κοινό έχει το τσουνάμι με το μουνί? Έρχονται και τα δύο ζεστά και υγρά και φεύγουν με αμάξι και σπίτι. Pourquoi les ouragans ont-ils tous des noms de femmes ? Car quand ça arrive - Чому урагани називають жіночими іменами? - Спочатку - загадкові і непередбачувані Was haben Frauen und Orkane gemeinsam? Sie sind heiß und feucht Q: How are women and a hurricane alike? A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild ¿Por qué los huracanes tienen nombre de mujer? Porque cuando llegan son salvajes y mojados Varför döper man tornados efter kvinnor? De dyker inte upp så ofta Was haben Frauen und Orkane gemeinsam ?? Es fängt mit einem Blasen an Hvorfor får orkaner altid pige navne? – Når de kommer er de våde og vilde og når de går tager de hus og bil med sig… maestra porque a los huracanes les ponen nombre de mujer? porque cuando se enojan se llevan todo casa carro Hva er likheten mellom jenter og orkaner? - Våte og ville i begynnelsen men tar med seg hus og bil når de drar.. Opkaldt efter kvinder Hvorfor er alle orkaner opkaldt efter kvinder? – Fordi de er våde og vilde når de kommer Dlaczego kobieta podobna jest do huraganu? - Bo wprawdzie najpierw jest ciepła i wilgotna Miksi hirmumyrskyille annetaan naisten nimet? - Ne saapuvat villeinä ja märkinä Perché gli uragani hanno nomi femminili? Perché quando arrivano sono bagnati e scatenati Waarom hebben orkanen meestal vrouwelijke namen? - Ze komen meestal nat en krachtig aanzetten ¿ En qué se parecen las mujeres a los huracanes? En que llegan fuertes y salvajes y se van con tu carro y tu casa. - Varför ger man tropiska orkaner kvinnonamn? - Det är för att de är vilda och våta när de kommer. Och när de försvinner tar de med sig bilen och huset... Varför är alla orkaner uppkallade efter kvinnor? - Eftersom de båda är våta och vilda när de kommer och så tar de både hus och bil med sig när de går! Sabe porque que mulher é igual a tsunami? R: Porque quando vem vem cheia de onda Perchè i più grandi tornado hanno il nome di donna? Perchè quando arrivano sono caldi e umidi... e quando se ne vanno Kāpēc viesuļvētras sauc sieviešu vārdos? - Iesākumā tās ir noslēpumainas un neprognozējamas
Q: How are women and tornadoes alike?
A: They both moan like hеll when they come, and take the house when they go.
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What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear!
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What did the tornado say to the sports car? Want to go for a spin?
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What falls but never hits the ground? The temperature.
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