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“Darling, what do you think we should give Granny for Christmas?”
“The most precious thing we have!”
“Oh, what’s that?”
“Our children for babysitting!”
Little Johnny by the Christmas tree:
“And are all these gifts from Santa?”
“Yes Johnny,” beams his mother.
“Oh, so you didn’t get me a dаrn thing again this year, did you.”
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Christmas Jokes
When I was buying our Christmas tree, the cheery seller asked if I’d be putting it up myself.
Disgusting man, I’ll be putting it in our living room of course!
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Christmas Jokes
What is the equivalent of a superdeath laser gun for snowmen?
A hairdryer.
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Christmas Jokes

Dad, and where is Santa from?”
“Well, judging by the majority of the gifts, I’d say he is from China.”
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Christmas Jokes
I heard of a guy who shoplifted an Advent calendar. He got 24 days.
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Christmas Jokes
What keeps falling but never gets hurt?
The snow.
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Christmas Jokes
Two idiots roam the woods looking for a nice Christmas tree. After hours of freezing and chasing away the odd wolf, one of the them brings down the axe and says, “OK that’s it. I’m taking the next right-sized tree we see and I don’t give a dime if it’s decorated or not!”
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Christmas Jokes
What does Santa say when he enters the toy workshop near Christmas?
Alright everybody, sacking time!
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Christmas Jokes
Oh, by the way – the book I gave you for Christmas must be returned to the library next week.
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Christmas Jokes
What goes oh-oh-oh? Santa doing the moonwalk.
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Christmas Jokes
Santa has a good employment package. 1 month – Santa Claus, 11 months – Santa pause.
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Christmas Jokes
All throughout the Christmas Eve and the silent wonders of the magical night, it is a happy Christmas. Then the kids barge into the living room in search of gifts and turn the season to a happy Christmess.
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Christmas Jokes

Santa is with us throughout our lives, although his presence can be categorized in four main stages:
1. You are a believer in Santa.
2. You are not a believer in Santa.
3. You pretend to be Santa.
4. You look like Santa without even trying.
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Christmas Jokes
What is a correct name for an old snowman? Puddle.
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Christmas Jokes
Christmases are always quite hard on the turkeys, but at least they don’t go hungry. In fact, they are stuffed since morning!
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Christmas Jokes
A boy is running around his yard in early December, chanting, “I SO WISH I GOT A NEW BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS!”
An elderly man watches him go on for a while, then comes over and says, “Son, what is this about, Santa ain’t deaf, you know?
- ”
The little boy, out of breath, smiles, “He probably isn’t, but my auntie Jane is.”
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Christmas Jokes
I heard elves love to sing when they work on children’s toys. They are very good wrappers.
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Christmas Jokes
Walking down the street I wonder if at Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus, or of General Electric.
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