“Daddy, I inherited my intelligence from you, didn’t I? ”

“That’s right my clever girl!”
“That makes sense, because mommy’s still got hers.”

A guy leans closer to his wife.

„Can you keep a secret?“ he whispers to her.
“Sure I can,” says the wife, becoming curious.
“That’s good,” whispers the man again, “so can I.”

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day.

Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.

Last words of a skydiver?

Oh crap, those annoying clothes moths!!!

In a shoe shop:

- These shoes might be tight for the next two weeks.
- Don’t worry. I’ll start wearing them on the third week.

“Have you been sleeping by an open window, like I told you? ” asks a doctor his patient.

“Yes, just like you said, doc.”
“And is the bronchitis gone now?”
“Not yet, so far the only things gone are my laptop and cellphone.”