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What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
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What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
Aids.
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When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
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The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
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How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
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What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses?
They both leave you Hanging
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Stephen hawkings is such a bad role model for our kids
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street
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Why can’t depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
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On Xbox live an orphan can say they f ed your mom so you can say at least mine didnt die from it.
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My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
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A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, “Are you going to eat that?”
The second man replies, “No, you can have it if you want.”
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he’s chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got too.”
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What’s the difference between sand and a dildо? Sand has never gone up my ass
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An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost calls for his mum then remembers
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You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rарisт, and a lawyer. You’re armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
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Loud explosion inside the tank
“Where’s the commander?”
“He’s gone.”
“Where has he gone?”
“All over the place.”
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I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside
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When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
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You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
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