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What is worse than a giraffe with a sore neck?
A centipede with athlete's foot.
Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
To a mewseum.

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Little jhonny said to the teacher miss i need to pee
Teacher: wait 1 minute
Jhonny: miss i need to pee
Teacher: sing your alphabet
Jhonny: abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz
Teacher: very good jhonny but were's the p
Jhonny: running down my leg

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There are different types of country dancing.... square, round and line.
No one ever told me you need a year of geometry before you can learn to dance!

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A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says,
"What will it be today?" Guy says,
"Well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up." Barber says,
"Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that."
Guy says,
"That’s how you cut it last time"

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My car has become known locally as ‘the рussy wagon’. Not because I’m good at getting girls but because I cry a lot when I’m alone.

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Be honest, you googled your self

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Why is it when an old person comes up to me at a wedding as says “You’re next” its somehow socially acceptable but when I do the same to them at funeral I get into trouble?

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Patty met Eric and said; that’s a nice suit you are wearing.
Eric: Oh, do you like it?
Patty: Yes, who went for the fitting?

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs lying in a pile of leaves?
Russell.

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A movie inspired by Cinderella has been announced, where Dr Jekyll falls in love with an Indian lady but she runs away at the sтrоке of midnight, leaving him to go on a journey to find her.
I can’t wait to see Hyde and Sikh.

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If Mexicans are known to sell drugs, what is really in Dora's backpack. I've always thought that girl seemed a little Too happy.

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I had moved to South Carolina from New York and at that time, a vehicle inspection was required to register my car.
I was nervous. My car was in rough shape. I thought of New York State's rigorous inspections. Any number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix.
I drove down a country road and found a garage that had an inspection sign. When I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled the car, turned on the lights and honked the horn.
Then he attached a new sticker and asked me for the $3 fee.
I was shocked.
"Is that all you have to do"? I asked.
He answered, "Well, you drove it here, didn't you"?

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Did you know cats can jump higher than a house? This is largely due to the cats powerful hind legs and the fact houses cant jump.

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Dear Diary.
I don't know why people say prison is so bad! Today I met my cell mate he calls himself Private Wооdy so he must have been in the army. He left rose petals and a Barry White CD on my bed so he's obviously into nature and soul music. And later on he's invited me to meet Ben Dover in the showers later to play Philes Сrаск so he must be into DIY.
Yours sincerely
Kenya Swallow.
Xo.

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In a darken theater where the suspenseful mystery story was being staged, a member of the audience suddenly stood up and cried, “Where is the murdered?”
A threatening voice behind her replied, “Right in back of you, if you don’t sit down!”

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A neurotic is the person who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the person who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is the person who collects the rent.

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I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today.
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

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Strangers have the best candy.

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