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What do you call a cheeky big foot?
A Sassy-squatch
*bu dum tss*

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It was when I stabbed a Capri Sun perfectly the first time, right in that grey circle, that I knew I wanted to be an assassin.

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Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

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I'd like to start today by telling you how wonderful (NAME) is. I'd like to but...

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Teen pop stars, 2017 … …
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I know I’m getting old when I listen to Teen radio and wonder just how today’s junk makes it into the Billboard Hot 100. - …
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A good song is an inspiration of the heart. A song can’t have much soul if it was written during study hall.

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They say practice makes perfect. They also say that nobody is perfect. So why the fuск do we practice then if nobody can be perfect

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I gave my number to this s*xy аss b*tch...
She said I'll call you when I get home.
I think that b*tch is homeless

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Always be yourself...
Unless you can be a pirate...
In which case, DEFINITELY be a pirate!

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Why are boardwalk models so thin?
It's so the outfit will look the same when you see it on a clothing hanger at the store.

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I was eating my tea last night when I suddenly thought to myself, “This milk must be seriously out of date.”

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Looking at an optical mouse, an idiот said,
"Look! They are making everything solar these days."

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Cabbage
Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
Boiledcabbage
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
1 boiled cabbage
Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
50fuckingboiledcabbages
Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
50FUCKINGboiledcabbages
Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse. IfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessImmediately
Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessImmediately
Sorry, that password is already in use.

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How to climb a small Staircase.
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 4
Step 5
Step 6
Step 7

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Jesus May Have Walked on Water... But Stephen Halking Runs on Batteries

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Jeopardy answer:
"Phew! I'm glad I got that off my chest!"
Jeopardy question: What did the target of the carnival hatchet thrower say after an errant throw?

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I’m writing a television series which involves everyone smoking dope.
It’s a mellow drama.

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What Is the definition of Fable?
A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

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Why did the driver put a stove in his car?
To make a hot rod.

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