Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

Did you hear about the cannibals that attended the wedding?
They toasted the bride and groom.

0

0

What did the magnet say to the other magnet hanging on the refrigerator next to it?
I'm attracted to you.

0

0

I walked up to the desk in the leisure centre and asked where to go for the ‘Archery For Beginners’ class.
“Just follow the arrows on the floor.” he told me.

0

0

Before I die I’m gonna swallow a whole bag of popcorn kernels.
My cremation is gonna be epic.

0

0

My neighbor recently received an unexplained head injury while in his garden and had to go to hospital. Luckily his house is only a stones throw away from mine and I was able to find him and call for help.

0

0

I went to the best fortune-teller in Manchester and she gave me an envelope to open on the next rainy day.
Then it came and I read
“It’s raining today.”

0

0

Everyone hates when this happens
*You cursin someone out in an argument over text*
Other person:Well b*tch everyone says that
You: Вiтсh I don't give two ducks about what everyone else ducking says. (*in your head* Fuuucckkkiinnn autocorrect!!!!!!)

0

0

There’s nothing worse than waking up next to someone after a night out drinking and not remembering who they are, how you met them or why they are dead.

0

0

Person: Where do you find all your chicks? Me: Kfc

0

0

Why didn't the Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo's вuтт was more manageable.

0

0

An author wrote a novel and sent it off to a publisher. The publisher held on to the hard copy so long, that termites got into it.
In the final analysis, the book was rejected. The story line had too many holes in it.

0

0

I just saw an ad on the New York City subway that read...
“Learn to read and speak English. Call us now!"

0

0

What kind of dress can't be put on?
An address.

0

0

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

0

0

I asked my wife what she thought of her sneak preview of the film version of ‘Fifty shades of grey’.
“The book was wetter, ” she replied.

0

0

A group of hippies gathered underneath the Washington Monument around a small bond fire.
A drunк staggered by took a long look at them and then a long look up at the Monument.
After a deep thought moment, the drunк says to the group, "You'll never get that rocket off the ground."

0

0

Don’t ever mix Viаgrа with Iron Supplements.
It will cause you to spin around and point north.

0

0

Hunting was a big disappointment this past weekend. After exiting the main road my navigation device said,
"Bear left", so I just went home.

0

0