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I’d explain it to you but your brain would explode.
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I never brag.
It’s just one of my many, many outstanding features.
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Can’t believe how desperate my maths teacher is, he keeps asking me to find his x. I think it’s time he faced the truth, she’s not coming back.
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Did you know that your аnаl nerve is connected to your optic nerve?
Don’t believe me?
Pull a hair out of your аrsе and see if your eyes water.
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When is it fun to serve a rubber turkey?
… At pranksgiving
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You actually look good today!! Did you photoshop your face or something?
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I’m not brave.
I’m just past the age where running is an option.
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Banta’s driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls.
He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.
When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there’s hardly standing room anywhere.
Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.
When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked.
All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he’s ever had right there in the hole.
Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.
“What happened!?!” says Banta.
The bartender responds “Where were you when the shiт hit the fаn?!”
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If you’re doing Stand-Up Comedy, here’s some Advice: ….
…..
Menstruation jokes aren’t funny… Period.
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Saying "Oh ,Yeah I get it" just so the teacher walks away
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Did you hear about the calendar thief?
He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!
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How is today Monday? It was Friday only a few hours ago…
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Definition of Wisdom: The thing that happens when you run out of sтuрid ideas.
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My son told me he found some cassette tapes with some ‘ваnging tunes’ on them in the attic.
I think he’s found my old ZX Spectrum games.
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I’ve got some reliable inside information about Apple’s next product.
I won’t be able to afford it.
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The following conversation took place at a funeral parlor minutes before the funeral was about to start.
Widow: You’ve put him in a blue suit, I wanted brown!
Funeral Director: No problem madam. Ed!! Ed!! Quickly bring the hacksaw, we need to swap the heads around on these bodies.
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I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday but then Friday is so close to monday ._.
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If you're stranded on a desert island, what 3 things would you most want to have?
Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a gold medal on a stick.
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