Jokes

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Yo momma’s so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!

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Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair
It has feathers. LOL

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1. You can´t wash you´re eyes with soap
2. You can´t count you´re hair
3. You can´t breathe through you nose with youre tongue out
4. You just tried number three
5. When u tried number 3 u realized it was possible only u look like a dog
6. Youre smileing right now because you relized you were fooloed
7. You skipped number 5
8. You just checked if there was a number 5
9. This is not my joke all credit goes to steps

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A Blond and her Brunette friend where chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirтy her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone the blond retort’s.
Thats nothing once we we’re in the kitchen I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming one minute I turned and He just got it all on my face it was so thick and hard! it covered my mouth, my nose,my shoulders, and eyes it even got in my hair; and when i looked up at him all he could say was whoops the Flower went everywhere!

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Sign outside a hair salon: We’ll color your hair or dye trying.

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All zodiac signs have a hair style but cancer is just a one way thing

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Why were the 1800s so crazy?
Because of Hairriet Tubman.
I only made so it’s the 69th in the hair category.

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If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?

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The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.

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Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up

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An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin’s wife nакеd in bed with Leon Trotsky.
“But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?” Asks one of the guests.
“Lenin is in Poland,” replies the painter.

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What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Lets call this one a draw

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One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, “OH! THE HUMANATEE!”

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6:30 has to be the best time, hands down

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Son: mom what is dark humor?
Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!!
Mom: exactly!

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What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk

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Patient: I’m starting to forget things
Doctor: Since when have you had this condition?
Patient: What condition?

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Нiтlеr visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Нiтlеr salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn’t saluting.
Why are you not saluting like the others? Нiтlеr barks.
"Mein Führer, Im the nurse," she responds "Im not crazy!

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