Chemistry Jokes

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

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I would make a Sodium joke
But Na

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Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

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Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

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An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

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A man who wants to мurdеr his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that."
Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him.
The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."

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Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!

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Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.

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Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never liск the spoon!

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Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.

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Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.

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As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

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Little Johnny was a chemist.
Little Johnny is no more.
What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

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Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

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It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right….
…..
Alcohol IS a solution.

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Don't trust atoms. They make up everything.

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What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
HeHe...
Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

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How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ?
Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

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