Colonoscopy jokes, Proctologist jokes

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A man returns home from a colonoscopy.
His wife inquired as to how things went. He said that everything went well. ” The doctor placed his right hand on my shoulder and his left hand in my аss. Actually, he placed his left hand on my shoulder and his right hand in my аss. No, he put both hands on my shoulders and….. Son of a вiтсh!!

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What does a doctor call a colonoscopy?
An ANALysis.

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Why did the gastroenterologist choose this speciality?
There was an opening.

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What is the difference between colonoscopy and endoscopy?
The taste.

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What do you call a bad Gastroenterologist?
Shit for brains.

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A man goes in for a colonoscopy…
The doctor starts looking around and says “Wow, I can’t see shiт. I guess you can go.”

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Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:
“Dr Smith and Dr Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.” The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to “Catatonics and High Colonics.” No, go.
Next, they tried “Manic Depressives and Аnаl Retentives.” Thumbs down again.
Then came “Minds and Behinds.” Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in “Lost Souls and Вuтт Holes.” Unacceptable again!
So they tried “Analysis and Аnаl Cysts.” Not a chance.
“Nuts and Butts?” No way.
“Freaks and Cheeks?” Still no go.
“Loons and Moons?” Forget it.
Almost at their wit’s end, the doctors finally came up with:
“Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends.”

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How do medical institutions attract people to the field of colonoscopy?
“You like photography? I have a job you gotta love, kid.”

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When was the patient alarmed during colonoscopy?
When it felt both of the doctor’s hands on his sides.

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Have you heard of the golfer who opened a colonoscopy clinic?
He does 18 holes a day.

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What kind of doctor is Dr Pepper?
A gastroenterologist.

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A proctologist misplaces his watch but can’t remember whose patient it was in. His head nurse instructs him to re-examine his most recent cases.
When the fourth patient arrives, the nurse turns to the doctor and says “It is he. He has your watch.”
“How can you tell?” asks the proctologist.
The nurse says, “Very easy. It’s the first time his аss is early.”

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Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious, shove a foreign object up my аss and film the whole thing.
Or As My Doctor Insists On Calling It, A Colonoscopy.

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Why is a colonoscopy camera not state of the art?
Because these pictures look like сrар.

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What happens when someone gives a really deep speech to convince you to go for a colonoscopy?
Something touches you deep inside.

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What do you think a colonoscopy costs?
A buttload.

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How do you know Gastroenteritis has hit the Olympics?
All the sprinters have the runs.

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How is the patient after the colonoscopy?
He’s fine now but at the time it rестuм!

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