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Dear Diary.
I don't know why people say prison is so bad! Today I met my cell mate he calls himself Private Wооdy so he must have been in the army. He left rose petals and a Barry White CD on my bed so he's obviously into nature and soul music. And later on he's invited me to meet Ben Dover in the showers later to play Philes Сrаск so he must be into DIY.
Yours sincerely
Kenya Swallow.
Xo.
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In a darken theater where the suspenseful mystery story was being staged, a member of the audience suddenly stood up and cried, “Where is the murdered?”
A threatening voice behind her replied, “Right in back of you, if you don’t sit down!”
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A neurotic is the person who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the person who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is the person who collects the rent.
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Strangers have the best candy.
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If I was a judge, Instead of shouting "ORDER IN THE COURT!" I would say "STOP... HAMMER TIME!" Then proceed to gavel out the freshest beat in the history of the judicial system.
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Don’t you just hate it when you put on 20 lbs for an acting role and then you realize you’re not an actor.
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Girl: You remind me of the sea.
Boy: Why? Because I'm so wild and romantic?
Girl: No. You make me sick.
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I always have car trouble. I had a 1979 Chrysler. Talk about underpowered -- I was driving, I pushed in the cigarette lighter, the car slowed down.
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A sign outside of a restaurant boasted “We serve anything you want,”
So one smart Alec went in, and ordered roast monkey and сhiрs.
“Certainly, sir,” said the waiter and went into the kitchen only to reappear
A few minutes later looking very disappointed.
“No monkey,” smirked the smart Alec.
“It’s not that sir. We have run out of potatoes.”
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How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb? Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.
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Roses Are Red, Violets are Blue, If I were bored, I’d be reading this too
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What do you see when you look into an Antartian's eyes?
The back of his head.
What do you call 4 Antartians in a Volkswagen?
Far-from-thinkin'.
Why can't Antartians put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammer.
Did you hear about the Antartian who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.
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Don't you hate that moment were Dora ask you "were is the mountain?" And the you say, "Oh i don't know, maybe is that giant rock behind you!"
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When I heard A new medium opened shop in town, curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to drive down there and check it out in person. As soon as I sat down, the medium entered the room, came over and sat down across from where I was seated.
She laid her hand on my hand and said,
"By the will of the spirits, you will walk today." I told her that I was not paralyzed, and I could walk. Again she said,
" By the will of the spirits, you will walk today." Again I said that there is nothing wrong with me.
After the séance, I stepped outside and lo and behold… My car was gone!
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Something to do before ya die:
Put a banner that says missing slаvе, and under that banner place a mirror And see people's reaction
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Why did the maniac burn his jacket?
‘Cause he wanted a blazer.’
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On 2010 , a real ufo caught in china ... they were showing it live ... .
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Me: on the bottom of the flying object it was written "made in china" !
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Aww my 2 month year old boy, you know, he is the reason I get up i the morning... ..16 times.
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