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An Antartian walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket.
"Where to?" asked the smiling ticket agent. The Antartian rolled her eyes and said,
"Duuuuuh, back here!"

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Kickass if you kickass your own joke right after you post it
;D

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One toy says to another:
"My life is spiraling out of control!"
"What do you expect? You're a TOP!"

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Justin Biber goes to public toilet for peeing but came out totally wet.
As he enters inside, someone said "justin biber" and everyone turns towards him!!!

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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

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Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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Why did 18 Antartians go to the Movie? Simple, under 18 were not allowed to watch the movie.

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1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.

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I was checking out at the busy super market, and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins. When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22.
Trying to soothe her nerves, I said,
"That's a nice round figure."
Still frazzled, she glared at me and said,
"You're no bean pole yourself."

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Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls...
John:
"What happened this time?"
Jill:
"My brakes went out. Can you come get me?"
John:
"Where are you?"
Jill:
"I'm in the drugstore."
John:
"And where's the car?"
Jill:
"It's in here with me."

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Why do we wash bath towels?
Aren't we clean when we use them???

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"We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY, *spits on coffin*, couldn't stay alive."

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Hit kickass if you think [SW234] is a fаg who is trying to get fame for his lame аss jokes

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Q. What would happen if you have a wooden car, with wooden wheels, a wooden chair, and a wooden engine?
A. It wooden start!

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Sometimes you run into people who change your life for the better. Those people are called Bartenders.

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Scientists are using the rovers to diligently search for life on the red planet. They have discovered water and ice. The search now depends on the successful discovery of empty gin bottles.

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Why did Batman change in a phone booth?
Apparently he was having an identity crisis.

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I was disappointed by the British version of Breaking Bad.
It ends after he gets cancer and all his treatment is paid for by the NHS.

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