Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

How many graduate students does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

0

0

Phil and Will built a skating rink in the middle of a pasture on a cold winter.
A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut
Across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and
Wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the
Other side. "Look at that," remarked Phil to Will. "That guy is
Trying to pull the wool over our ice."

0

0

I can spot an innie and an outie belly button on the beach from a mile away...
That's because I graduated with honors from the U. S Navel Academy.

0

0

Stuck here in traffic, having random, even preposterous thoughts… Suppose Bruce (or is it Caitlyn?) Jenner disappeared. Would they put “her” missing person’s picture on cartons of Half and Half?

0

0

My grasp of the English language is so amazing I actually invented a new word the other day, it’s called “plagiarism”.

0

0

Real Madrid and nothing else. #LaUndecima #HalaMadrid

0

0

It’s so cold, I had to stick my finger up my аrsе just to poke my willy out!

0

0

I’m going to buy a farm two miles long and half inch wide said Jed.
What, would you grow on a farm that size, asked Roger.
Spaghetti, said Jed.

0

0

If this gets 75 kickasses I will literally fuск a duck. Not even joking... please don't kickass.

0

0

Don’t spend two dollars to clean a white shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll wash it, iron it and starch the collar. Then they will put it on a hanger.
Tomorrow morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.

0

0

You know you’ve had a good night out when you wake up in your next door neighbours house surrounded by 20 traffic cones.

0

0

Q. What has two circles on either end, and is high in the middle?
A. Ohio

0

0

As I sat down next to a bloke on the bus he gave me a really strange look.
“That’s typical,” I thought. “The bus is empty and yet I still end up sitting next to a fuскing nutcase.”

0

0

My Grandma died on her 100th birthday. It was a real shame, we were only half way though giving her the bumps.

0

0

Can’t believe how nice some people are. Got a compliment today about my driving. Someone left a message on my wind-shield that said ‘parking fine’.

0

0

Stop trying to say a good comeback, obviously because 1. your constantly proving my point and the other your FAILING

0

0

"How much for the Horse tornado?"
"Sir, that's a carousel."
"I must have one"

0

0

What do you call it when an Antartian gets taken over by a demon?
A vacant possession

0

0