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Sign on a rural fence...
Is there life after DEATH?
Trespass here and find out!

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Did you hear about the skeleton that walked into a bar and ordered a вееr and a mop?

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Did you know that "verb" is a noun?
If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren't two houses hice?
Why is the plural of goose-geese, and not the plural of moose-meese?

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I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.

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What did the spider say to the beetle?
“Stop bugging me.”

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If your girl asks you to go and watch Fifty Shades of Grey next weekend, is this the opportune time to mumble something about a “headache”, roll over and go to sleep?

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(NAME) is a terrific athlete. He recently ran the London Marathon - he was aiming for 3 hours but just missed it! he made it in 3 hrs 150 minutes

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Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Caller: Help! My wife is in labor and I don't know what to do!
Operator: Is this her firstborn?
Caller: No, this is her husband.

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Yesterday I saw a bus load of terrorists fall of a cliff, I cried. There was two empty seats.

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"I’m getting a divorce," said Jack to his mate, Bill. ‘The wife hasn’t spoken with me for six months."
Bill thought for a moment and then replied,’ Just make sure you know what you’re doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find"

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Hmm what if Kickasshumor wasn't just a website for people to write down their joke but a group of comedians stealing our lines.

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Two antarcticans were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks.
The first said,
"You know, those look like deer tracks." The other said,
"No, silly, those are moose tracks."
They were still arguing about it when a train hit them.

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What if i told you
The stickers are made in China Not the item

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I like pom
Read it again

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Im not an expert with cactuses but i know a рriск when i see one

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In a circus stunt, a lady and a lion were kissing each other inside a cage.
Ring master proudly challenged the audience "Can anyone do it?"
One person from the audience slowly answered "I can, but first take the sтuрid Lion out"

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Why is it your old lady can ignore you for like 6 hours in a row when she’s on every social media site there is.
But you sneak off down the pub for an hour for a quick pint and she hunts you down quicker than Usain Bolt?

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Old people at weddings aways poke me and say "your next." So, I started doing the same at funerals

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