Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”
The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond.
The alien repeated the greeting.
There was no response.
The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump’s haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I’ll fire!”
The other alien shouted to his comrade “No, you don’t want to make him mad!”
But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 1200 feet into the desert, where they landed in a heap.
When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, “What a ferocious creature. It dамn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?”
The other alien answered, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my travels through the galaxy … any guy who can wrap his реnis around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, is someone you shouldn’t mess with.”
Banta’s driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls.
He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.
When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there’s hardly standing room anywhere.
Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.
When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked.
All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he’s ever had right there in the hole.
Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.
“What happened!?!” says Banta.
The bartender responds “Where were you when the shiт hit the fаn?!”