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The new James Bond movie in production features the oldest ever Bond girl. Which explains why he spent a lot of the movie repeating, “I SAID BOND. JAMES BOND!”
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Q. Why did the airport go to the hospice?
A. Because it had terminal cancer.
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Why did Frankie Avalon get fired from his moonlighting job as a high wire walker in the circus?
Because he refused to perform without Annette.
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Why does Peter Pan fly?
If someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd fly, too!
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Q:What grows when it eats, but dies when it drinks?
A:Fire.
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.... Have you heard about the new Italian electric car?..... It's just $2000.
But the extension cord is $12000.
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Help stop racism with one KICKASS at a time..... THANK YOU for your patronage.....
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They always have signs in the restaurant bathrooms:
'Employees Must Wash Hands Before Leaving Restroom.' Apparently, patrons can рее all over themselves.
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Somebody has said that there are only two kinds of people in the world...
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord!"...
And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning!"
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If deaf children communicate with sign language what language do they think in
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That frustrating moment when your almost done with your cereal and the last five pieces are like, "Haha! catch me if you can"
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I’ve decided to be super lazy today. It’s a lot like normal lazy but i’m also wearing a cape.
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Q. Why is a baby like an old car?
A. They both have rattles.
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There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
Ten were Antartians, and one was a university professor. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the professor said,
"I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the professor saying she would get off, all of the Antartians started clapping.
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You haven't asked yet.
I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
Because I just love hearing this question.
Just lucky, I guess.
It gives my mother something to live for.
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If someone asks you to spell "part A" backwards, don't do it.
It's a Trap.
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Jim had been on a game show for one week straight, getting every question right. At the end of the week the host of the show said,
"Jim, you've been excellent this week. If you answer this question, you will win $60,000 and a new car!"
"Okay!" answered Jim.
"Now as you know," said the host, "you can answer part A or part B of the question first. Which one would you like to take a shot at?"
"Oh, how about part B,"answered Jim nonchalantly.
The host said,
"OK. Here's your question-part B- And in what year did it happen?'"
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You Know You Are at a Maffia Wedding When..."
Everybody is kissing the hand of some old guy in the corner
The guests refer to the Meadowlands as the graveyard
The majority of the guests arrive in вiggеr limos then the wedding party
New York cops have cleared all the streets in a five block radius to make the guests feel comfortable
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