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Boy: If I make you say no, will you go out with me?
Girl: Sure. Why not.
Boy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: No. Wait yes. No! Wait.. F*CK.
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Me : Ow! My eye is hurting
Guy : Why?
Me : Cause' I am looking at you
*snap*
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I hate Windows… Just tried to set my password to “mydick” but apparently it’s too short.
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My psychiatrist says I have a fear of speed bumps but now I’m slowly beginning to get over it.
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What do you call a pencil that can take a сrар? A number 2 pencil.
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Q. What's the easiest way to drown an Antartican?
A. Write scratch n' sniff on the bottom of the pool.
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I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what was wrong?
He replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’
I didn’t want to appear sтuрid, but nonetheless inquired, ‘An, ID ten T error? What’s that? In case I need to fix it again.’
Eric grinned …’Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
‘No,’ I replied.
‘Write it down,’ he said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it out.’
So I wrote down:………………………………………ID10T
I used to like Eric, the little shiт head.
=====
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Why do people litter? Because they dont take the litter signs litterally.
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The United States cares about swimming once every 4 years, for exactly 2 weeks.
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Do you know why dogs don't dance?
They have two left feet!
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Student - Teacher can i use the bathroom?
Teacher- Why??
Student- to slay the magic dragon WТF???
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Question: How many buckets does it takes to empty a bath?
Answer: None, just pull the cork.
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You know you’ve had too much to drink when you wake up the next morning and find 10 pizzas and a mysterious wheelchair in your shower.
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Living in a flat below a tap dancer can be really annoying. That’s why I’ve decided to install powerful magnets in my ceiling.
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I saw a security guard the other day sleeping at 2 p. M., like a baby... I haven't slept like a baby in 10 years because I'm up thinking about stuff -- like goals. This guy had the right attitude:
'I've failed. Oh well. Night-night.'
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Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Pettry amzanig huh?
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Just found a website that will help you clear your debts with just one easy payment. Just go to www. Buyashotgun. Com
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A mummy, daddy and baby tomato were walking along. The baby tomato had really short legs so he was falling behind. Impatient, the daddy tomato turned and squashed him saying, "Ketchup"
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