Jokes

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"Would you like a table?"..." No I came to this resteraunt to eat on the floor, carpet for 5 please."

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Stop with these circumcise jokes! What's the cut?

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All generalizations are false, including this one.

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In the state of Texas, it was determined that 80% of all visits to the emergency room started with someone uttering the phrase, "Hold my вееr and watch this!"

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How come the pony couldn't speak?
Because, he was a little horse.

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Why do cyclones have girl names? because when they come they are cute and cudly but when they leave they took your car and house

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I was in the park the other day wondering why radio controlled air-planes get вiggеr the closer they get, and then it hit me.

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Exercise
... Ex... Er... Cise...
... Ex... Ar.. Size
... Eggs... Ar... Sides...
For Bacon..
Bacooooooooon.

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People are really strange. When you scream in a library they tell you to shut up but when you do it on an airplane everyone joins in.

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Q. What do you call a graffiti artist who‘s impotent?
A. Blanksy.

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I’d hate to be a dragon.
I’d get so angry trying to вlоw out my birthday candles.

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Someone gave me a book about Procrastination. I'll read it sometime later.

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Inventor of the piano………. Tables are too quiet.

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When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy...
When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.

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What is another name for a happy farmer?
A jolly rancher.

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Did you hear about the shoe factory that burnt down? Two hundred soles were lost.

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The patient staggered to the pharmacy counter flinching.
“Say, would you give me something for my head?” The pharmacist looked up.
“Why? What would I do with it?”

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Three drunк guys get in a cab and the cab driver notices that they are wasted so he starts the car and then shuts it off to mess with the three of them.
The First guy says thanks and pays him the second dose the same the third one slaps him. The driver thinks he knows until he shouts WATCH YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME... you nearly killed us!!...

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