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What did the right eye say to the left eye?
"Just between you and me, something smells."

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"You have been in Rome?"
"Yes"
"Did you visit The Coliseum.”
"Yes"
"And ?"
"It will be splendid when it is finished"

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What do ninjas and farts have in common?
They're silent and deadly.

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Just heard on the radio that the dinosaurs died 65 million years ago on this exact day.
Rip Dinosaurs
26th April 64,997,984 BC

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Laughter is the best medicine unless you’re in the following situations.
1. You’ve broken your leg
2. You’re on fire.

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What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day? It's good for the bones.
Why don't skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.

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I was at McDonalds earlier today, just chilling when a really hot, shaggable girl walked up to me. She grabbed me and took me to her car. She ripped my clothes off and starts suскing me as if she’s dying of thirst. She suскеd long and slobbery and I let out a huge load. She looked up with the face of satisfaction.
Then I realised I’m a straw.

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Q. Why are restaurants better than hospitals for treating sick people?
A. Because thyme is a great healer.

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They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Try telling that to someone who has AIDS.

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I do 10 sit-ups every morning...
It may not sound like much, but there is only so many times you can hit the snooze button!

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"I'd like you to meet my half sister."
"Different fathers?"
"Nope. Shark attack."

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It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's just a game. Find the eye!

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Stop with these circumcise jokes! What's the cut?

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All generalizations are false, including this one.

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- From the interviewee:
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Greg Norman)
- "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter)
- "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers." (Murray Walker)
- "A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin." (Jo Sheldon)
- "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect." (Ted Lowe)
- "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right." (Marlon Starling)
- "I can't tell who's leading. It's either Oxford or Cambridge." (John Snagge - Boat Race between only Oxford and Cambridge)
- "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round." (Tony Crozier)

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In the state of Texas, it was determined that 80% of all visits to the emergency room started with someone uttering the phrase, "Hold my вееr and watch this!"

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How come the pony couldn't speak?
Because, he was a little horse.

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Why do cyclones have girl names? because when they come they are cute and cudly but when they leave they took your car and house

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