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Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captain’s quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, and opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:
Port Left
Starboard Right
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A redneck named Bubba was tired of hearing redneck jokes that so often used the name, Bubba.
He went to court to change it and appeared before a judge who asked, “Sir, why do you want to legally change your name, are you in trouble, hiding from the law, what?”
“No sir, Your Honor. I’m just tired of listening to jokes about rednecks that often use that name. It’s Bubba this, Bubba that, so I want my name changed.”
The judge asked, “And what name do you want it changed to?”
He said, “Candy.”
The judge replied, “Candy? Spell it for me.”
He said, “Candy, C-A-N-D-Y, Your Honor.”
The judge put the name on the papers before him and said, legally, “Your name is now, Candy.”
He rushed over to tell his girlfriend. He knocked on her door and heard, “Who’s there?”
He said, “It’s me!”
She said, “Come on in Bubba, the doors unlocked.”
He said, “It’s not Bubba.”
She said, “Yes it is, I recognize your voice.”
He said, “It ain’t Bubba no more cause I done legally changed it.”
She asked, “What is it then?”
He said, “Guess.”
She said, “Leroy?”
He answered, “No.”
She said, “Johnny?”
He answered, “No.”
She said, “Неll, I give up, come on in.”
He said, “Wait, I’ll gives ya a hint. Ya holds it in ya hand and ya puts it in ya mouth.”
She replies, “Oh!… Come on in, Diск!”
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