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He may have a nice car but I have a fast sleigh

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At birth i had two important decisions to make... either i could have extremely great memory, or a really huge реnis. Unfortunately, I forgot which one i chose.

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Are you a drill sergeant cause my privates stand for attention

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Did you fall from heaven, because I'm gonna suск the juice out your мingе.

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Are you a dog (Why?) Cause I'll feed you my boner

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Hey gurl, are you an alien? Cause dat аss is out of this world!

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You look like a million dollars. You are green and wrinkly

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A novelty store owner called a recent customer. "Mr. Jones? This is Mr. Peters, the owner of Peter's Novelties. Remember that boomerang you bought the other day? You paid for your purchase with a check, and unfortunately the check came back."
"You're lucky," replied the customer. "My boomerang didn't."

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An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
“What kind of salesman are you?” the boss scolded. “Get out there and sell him a boat.”

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The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied "It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato сhiрs and dip to draw in the customers. He laid out his сhiрs and dip. His boss said,
"That's a very innovative approach" and took one of the сhiрs, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth. "Yuck, this tastes terrible!" his boss yelled. The salesman replied "IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?"

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Used car salesperson to customer: How would you like to buy a car with zero down and zero per month?
Customer: (slight pause) For how many months?

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I got sacked from my job at the Clock Factory.
I just stood around making faces all day.

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If you were a candle, i would вlоw you

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To get a massive and immediate attention from a buyer, the Vacuum Cleaner salesman opens a bag of horse manure and spreads it all over the carpet.
Then he says to the possible buyer with confidence, "Mrs. if this vacuum cleaner can't clean all that manure I will eat the rest!"
The lady asks, "Do you want ketchup with that?"
Why the salesman ask?
"Because we just moved in and we don't have electricity yet!"

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a motorcycle?
A Yamahahaha!

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My ceramics teacher was excellent. …
I don’t know why, but she was fired yesterday.

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Definition of Sluт : Ноокеr with no business sense

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This feminist said to me “do you know how much I hate people implying that I’m a рrоsтiтuте?”
“How much?” I asked, taking out my wallet.

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