Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

The last thing you want on a flight is to be woken by a panicking stewardess
Particularly if, like me, you’re the pilot.

0

0

Why do you need to make an appointment with a psychic? Surely they know you’re coming…

0

0

A guy goes in to apply at the U. S. Postal Service. During the interview, the interviewer asks the guy if he is a veteran.
The guy says “Yes, I fought over in Vietnam.”
Then the interviewer asks if the guy has any disabilities.
The guy responds, “Well, I stepped on a land mine over there and blew my nuts off.”
“Great,” responds the interviewer, “The disabled Vet gets preference. You can start tomorrow morning at 10 a. M.”
“But doesn’t everyone normally start at 8 a. M.?”, asks the guy.
“Yes, But you don’t have to worry, we just stand around and scratch our ваlls for the first two hours anyway.”

0

0

I went to my dentist last week and he said he was going to use helium on me.
“Will that numb the pain”, I asked?
He said,”no,but when you scream it will sound funny as fuск!!..

0

0

My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.

0

0

Love's a lot like a bullet in that the exit usually causes the most damage.

0

0

I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.

0

0

Woke up feeling tired this morning, went and got on the bus took my seat and nodded off. I was woken to loads of people shouting and screaming.
I hate my job as a bus driver

0

0

I hate street performers…
Then again, I’m a mime, so I can’t really talk.

0

0

You think you are having trouble getting laid? Yesterday the hоокеr I had just paid for told me she had a headache.

0

0

To an engineer, the glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as big as it needs to be.

0

0

I used to be a wrestler.
I would get a guy in a head lock and write my name on their forehead.
It was my signature move.

0

0

If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough.

0

0

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

0

0

He may have a nice car but I have a fast sleigh

0

0

At birth i had two important decisions to make... either i could have extremely great memory, or a really huge реnis. Unfortunately, I forgot which one i chose.

0

0

Are you a drill sergeant cause my privates stand for attention

0

0

Do you want to go to the dance with me if not i brought you a dildо to go fuск yourself with

0

0