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Warning:only do this if your in the library
If you were a library book id check you out
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Did you hear about the guy who drove his Ford Chevy truck into the lake?
It sank... like a rock!
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I went into a posh pub in a pair of filthy overalls and this snotty barman said to me,
“I’m sorry, you can’t come in here dressed like that.”
“OK,” I replied as I left, “fix your own fuскing heating then.”
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I’m starting a mirror cleaning business.
Its a job I can really see myself doing!!
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What do you call a рrоsтiтuте with сuм on her face?
A taxi. Her job’s done.
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Did you just come from KFC? cause' you have a вrеаsт and a thigh and you're giving me a drumstick!
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Are you my boat? Because nice aft!
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Do u believe in love at 1st sight or do u wanna see my skechers light up again?
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GET A JOB if you are reading this or are u to dazed at this comment
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Boy-are u my toe....?
Girl-... No why?
Boy-... Cause i wanna ваng u on the table
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Guy: Miss, do have a bandaid?
Girl: Yes, why?
Guy: Because I scraped my knees when I fell for you!
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What did the guy's carphone answering machine say?
"Hi, I'm home right now so I can't take your call."
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This bloke goes up to a girl at the bar and asks will you sleep with me for 1 million dollars. She says sure.
He said I’ll give you 100 dollars for a fсuк.
She says what do you think I  am a whоrе.
He says I already established that. Now I’m negotiating the price.
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This Bloke got an Interview for a job with a “free virus checker/malware/spyware” download company.
Interviewer: the second part of your resume is missing.
Applicant: For the second part you have to pay £20.
Boss: welcome on board.
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ITS A BOY” I shouted “A BOY, I DON’T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY”
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I’d never visit another Thai Brothel!!!
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I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.
My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear, “Don’t do that again.”
“Sorry,” I said, “It must be the nerves.”
“Fair enough,” he replied, “But there was no need to hold the microphone to your аrsе.”
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A n out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.
Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”
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I love you in the way that makes my pants fit funny.
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