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A traveling salesman’s car breaks down, and he walks to a nearby farm. He knocks on the door and the farmer appears.
“Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile down the road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay, just until morning, and I…..”
The farmer says, “Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, but you’ll have to sleep with my two sons….”
The salesman says, “Sons! I must be in the wrong joke!”
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Why did the shoe salesman dance all day?
He had a lot of sole.
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The travel agent made a mistake and booked me in a bad part of Atlanta called "Atlanta."
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A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip… …
…
They are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. …
…
The engineer rolls his eyes. ‘You forgot to account for wind. Give it here.’ He snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. … …
…
Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells, “We got him!”
Some people will think this is an average joke. Other people may think it’s a rather mean joke. Take your pick.
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Impressively, only 2% of the people I operated on died last year.
But for some reason the authorities think that’s too high for a dentist.
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Guy (to a fly lady): Did you crawl out of a B-17 cause you're the bomb.
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Guy: Am I dead?
Girl: No why?
Guy: Cause I thought you were an angel.
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You: Hey did you fall from heaven Girl: No You: Good cause you be dead so wassup
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What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.
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My career is in ruins.
It’s fuскing great being an archaeologist.
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Last night I visited a house of ill-repute.
I don’t know why they call it that. That place is fuскing awesome.
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I used to be scared of dentists because of the pain.
Now I’m scared of dentists because of the cost.
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Are you a banana…
Because I find you a-peeling
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(Australian Style)
Baby if you was a front rower in football, I'd run you down hard
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Ollie was having eye trouble, so he went to see the optometrist. “Put this little gadget over your left eye, Ollie,” said the optometrist. “Now over the right eye, over the left eye. No, Ollie, I said left eye. Now right . . . No Ollie, your right eye!” Completely confused, Ollie just looked at the optometrist.
“Now, Ollie,” the optometrist continued, “just remember which is your left hand. OK, Ollie, cover your right eye . . . No Ollie, that’s your left eye!”
Finally in exasperation, the optometrist took a brown paper bag, cut a hole in it, put it over Ollie’s head, and moved the hole back and forth from the left eye to the right eye. “Now, Ollie,” asked the optometrist, “How is that?”
“Vell, Doc, I guess it’s all right,” said Ollie. “But I vas vishing I could have some wire rims like Sven.”
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What does a hоокеr have at the end of her shift?
A box full of assorted creams.
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I like to read while I’m on the toilet.
If I didn’t I would never have got my wife’s number.
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I asked the local рrоsтiтuте if she could do something кinкy so she put a set of jumper cables up my аss…
Don’t get me wrong, I liked it, but I couldn’t believe how much she charged me!
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