Jokes

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I don’t get why people don’t like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their аss? Wait, that’s the other hole.

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I didnt fаrт my аss likes you so much it just blew you a kiss!

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What’s the difference between my dad and my step dad? My step dad beat my аss before he left

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Luck of the Irish my аss, I just blew a тrаnny and an engine in my truck both in the same week… Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other.

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Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it’ll leave me too.

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Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

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Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other.
One says to the other, “Are you all right?”
“No, I lost an electron!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m positive!”

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Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.

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Why do horses 🐴 eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.

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You know, Ebay suскs. I was looking for a lighter and it gave me 18,906 matches

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Random guy: Go suск a D*ck!
Me: Nah, i rather suск a 9mm.

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My Llama’s cousin suскs at going on vacation.
He just stands there; “I’ll pack uhhhh…”

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What suскs but doesn’t suск?
Vacuums!

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One man walks up to another and says hey did you here about the kidnapping at main street the guy says no the other guy says oh he woke up

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Yo mama sooo sтuрid when i said “go deep” she dug a hole in the feild

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They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.

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Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!

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My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”

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