Jokes

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A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue asks,
“Hey, what’s your body count?”
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says,
“I’m talking about sеx.”
The man then turns back and mumbles,
“Oh… I thought you saw inside the basement…”
“Wait, wha…”
“What?”

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Doctor : what makes you feel depressed?
Me: seeing others happy
Doctor : ok so what makes you happy?
Me: seeing sтuрid people in misery or agony
Doctor: Well that’s rather sadistic.
Me: well statistically one in two doctors have fingerd a child…
Doctor: do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: there’s nothing hidden inside me, I’m empty “smug face”.

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What does a spy do when he’s cold?
He goes under cover.

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Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
It’s always 90 degrees.

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Неll in Greek Times was known as cold and misty… so now just look at Seattle.

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What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.

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Why did the соw jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!

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What do you do when you get locked outside your house… you talk to the lock. because communication is key.

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How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It’s always 90 degrees

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Most annoying thing…
When we send something in What’s app thinking our friend is online but can only see two grey ticks…

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What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder

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A poster for the winter relief fund reads:
"No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold."
A worker says to his friend, “now were not even allowed to do that.”

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What do rat’s like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake

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Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.

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It was an emotional wedding even the cake was in tiers{if I explain it it will ruin the joke}

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🧀:C’mon tomato!
🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.
🧀:You’re a mile away.
🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.

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Why did the crumb cake isolate him self? He had a crumbling social life

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I don’t put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.

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