Jokes

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My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again

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Why do Midgets work at Tesco because every little helps

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The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is sтuрid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born.

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Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What’s that?
Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

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A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building which one will land first?

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The quiet kid starts playing Pumped Up Kicks in the parking lot before school.

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A guy was on trial for мurdеr and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.

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I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

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If you fuск your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?

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If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?

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If you ever had your niррlе ripped of by a possum, you might be a redneck…

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If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner…you might be a Redneck!

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Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it!!

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Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket? – He was stealing all the samples.

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Why is the Nаzi Anthem banned in Germany? Because Horst Wessel Lied.

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Yo mama so smelly, she’s even banned from the perfume store!

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Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Oswald
Oswald who?
Oswald my Halloween candy and now it’s stuck in my throat!!!

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If ur frundy on a game sud i will кill u in the game u sud saw will if u did кill me i will tell the my more frundy to ban u from the game the frundy sud what u got frundy on the game iack u r not my frundy the all frundy u be ban if u dont get it will af fun if u dont like the text am come for u ok k now like it the end

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